HowTo:Watch Grass Grow

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Watching grass grow is an exciting, internationally recognized activity second only to watching paint dry. Perfecting this activity takes time and talent, but the game itself is not difficult and can be enjoyed by anyone. Below is a description of what you will need.

What You Need[edit]

  1. 1 Comfortable Chair
  2. 1 (or more) Bottle of Sunscreen (optional)
  3. 1 Umbrella (optional)
  4. Lack of a life
  5. Some grass seeds. Note that if you use the right sort of grass seed, this how-to can double as a how to guide to get arrested

Setting Up[edit]

  1. Find a place with living grass that you would enjoy staring at for an extremely long period of time
  2. Set up your chair of choice
  3. Apply sunscreen and set up umbrella (optional)

Getting Started[edit]

  1. If the grass is already sprouted, skip to step 4.
  2. Cast seed on the ground. Note that Onan was smote by God for this, so be careful.
  3. Water seed.
  4. Sit.
  5. Stare at the grass.
  • Suggestion: Do not plan to watch the entire life cycle of the grass, as this may take longer than expected.


Don't get impatient with your grass, as growing takes time. If you get really bored, consider changing to another patch of grass, however the pros never do this so it is not recommended. Do not be discouraged and try for the honored Watching Grass Grow Award. This award is the highest sense of gratification any grass watcher can achieve. Sides effects of watching grass grow include sunburn and various diseases from sitting for hours in the sun or rain. Please note that with proper equipment, there is no risk of physical injury and/or death.

Happy watching!

See Also[edit]

If you have a wanting for even more fun try one of these: