HowTo:Properly bury a body

This is a start, but you are going to need to bury this body soon.

Say there's this REALLY annoying kid who keeps asking you to "Please let me out of the basement!", and you're fed up with it, so you shoot him in the head. What do you do with the body? You have to bury it, but how? Here are instructions on how to bury the body — properly.

Step one

Strong enough for a Greek hero.

Wear gloves and have some really good cleaning supplies on hand. Make sure that no trace of blood or DNA is there. Police typically frown upon taking care of issues this way, and will do anything to stop you from clearing your mind. They'll look for everything, so make sure there's nothing to look for.

Step two

Now, get a really old car. With newer cars, you may be tracked and your fun times will be over. Old cars don't have this technology, so you can get away Scot-free. With a pickup truck, you can even stuff the body under the bed mat.

Step three

You can hide anything here.

Go into the wilderness. If you bury the body in the backyard, you risk the police dogs sniffing out the body. In the wilderness, it's hard to come by, so you'll be safe.

Step four

Bury the body around eight feet deep. Ignore the "six-feet-under" rule. Eight feet is really deep, so there isn't a risk of people digging and finding it. If you're having trouble with smell, or are just cautious, refer to the next step.

Step five

Who killed Bambi?

Six feet above the body (two feet under the ground), bury a deer corpse. This will disguise any smells. If searchers dig where the body is, they'll find a deer corpse and think: "Oh, someone was hunting here and killed a deer. Better not disturb it."

Step six

On top of the burial site, plant some dangerous flowers. The Four-Sided Dragon Leaf (aureoechinatus dracolateralis) is notable for its consistency, as it always has four leaves with six spikes per leaf. When touched, smelled, breathed in, huffed, or covered in mustard, it infects the victim with a crippling disease called Userboxitis.

You're done!

You have successfully buried a body in a way where no one will find it.

Or you could just incinerate the body or dunk it in acid. Ignore this entire article, I guess.