HowTo:Let down your readers

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
"Let me guess."
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

This article is, like the title suggests, the largest possible collection of hints and tips that may help you give your readers a feeling of having been let down. If you are busy and already want to start writing your own let-down article, you might only want to read the nutshell version in the end of the article.

Building up expectations[edit]

Building up your readers' expectations is the hard part of the task. You will need to be able to write about something that really interests your audience - for instance, something dramatically bloodcurdling, something that makes them read on even if they don't want to. You should aim low. Intellectual speculations never interested anyone. You can, for instance, write about the Queen walking into a brothel with a small submachine gun (an Uzi maybe) in her purse, mumbling to herself: "The day of reckoning is nigh..." You shouldn't leave it yet, though. You should tell the readers how she walks up to the front door and asks to see the Madame. She is let in - the portier is a bit suspicious due to the menacing mumbling - and given a royal seat in the lobby. Several male prostitutes eye her from behind the safety curtain, barely able to contain their enthusiasm, all in spite of the mumbling. A couple of them discuss the pros and cons of offering services to the Palace, and one points out that the Queen seems to be in exceptionally good health today. The queen is seen mulling the insides of her purse, almost ready to bust of impatience. The possession of the gun has given her back some of the vigour of her youth. This is not the time for hand-waving.

The portier comes back, telling the Queen that she will need to wait for a while: the Madame does not want to be seen in her ordinary slutty attire - she wants to don her Italian Spuzzizzo evening dress for the occasion. The Queen nods and waves her hand to the portier, letting him know that there is no reason to worry. The portier resumes his post in the alcove, smiling at the queen.

At this point, you could tell the reader how the Madame bites her lip in her private chamber. She did not want this day to arrive, yet it did. She now curses her poor choice of location for the brothel: there are no back doors, although the house is huge. She does not want to resign to her fate, though: she decides to escape through the window. The drop from the second floor is pretty long, but she doesn't care. Of course there's no fire ladder. The Madame bites her lip again. Why did she have to disregard the fire safety regulations?

At this point she hears shots and screams from the corridor outside her room. The door is kicked open. While the Madame was biting her lip, the Queen managed to distract the personnel and sneak up to her room!

The letdown[edit]

You already guessed this is what would happen, didn't you? So, this is the method you can use for letting your readers down. You probably noticed that the buildup wasn't very impressive - the letdown is too obvious after such comic elements. As the reader of this article, you were also let down at the buildup stage. This technique is not recommended due to its obvious shabbiness, but it can be used if your time or imagination do not give you the opportunity for anything better.

The method in a nutshell[edit]

Obvious, right?