HowTo:Fit an elephant into the refrigerator

Fitting an elephant into a refrigerator is a seemingly daunting but rewarding task. Though we don't know the rewards. Yet. But don't worry, we'll find them - eventually. Many people think it is difficult to fit an elephant into a refrigerator. They are wrong. With these simple steps any ordinary person can fit an elephant into a refrigerator, and gain the (undiscovered) benefits of a such a skill.

Your refrigerator elephant can help you move leftovers.

Before You Start...

You need to be warned about a few things. Refrigerators are big boxes that sit in kitchens and hold food because they are kept cold from some kind of alien technology humans have not worked out yet. Because they are so cold they could freeze you. Always wear a warm coat. Elephants are very dangerous. This is because they are very, very evil. They are so evil that they could potentially be life-threateningly dangerous, and they could kill you. And you would be dead! The reason they are so evil? It's those ears - they're way too big. And that's just not normal.

Step 1: Open the Refrigerator Door

Ok, calm down! Stop panicking - deep breaths. Now, once you've calmed down, I'll give you some advice for this task. First you need to place your hand around the refrigerator door. Don't be too gentle because you need a firm grip, but don't squeeze too tightly because you'll break the crappy plastic handle (because, frankly, your parents are cheapos and should get something good quality). Once you have done this you need to pull firmly backwards, releasing the spring tension in the door frame and therefore letting the door swing open. It may smack you in the face, like in a stupid slapstick movie. Unless you're one of those robbers from 'Home Alone', get out of the way. See, you've done it! How easy was that?

Step 2: Remove the Lion

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Yeah, you should have called a qualified zookeeper to do that earlier. Sorry about the life threatening injuries.

Step 3: Put the Elephant in the Refrigerator

It's hard to believe you got that thing in there, isn't it?

Sure, it's the hardest part, but it's still pretty easy. Kind of. There are a few ways you could do it:

• Borrow that machine from 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids'

No, not like that.

• Buy a bigger fridge.
• Chop up the elephant into little pieces.
• Let the elephant be eaten by a mouse and put the mouse in the refrigerator

Any of these easy and simple tasks will enable you to put your Elephant in the refrigerator. Be careful though, a James Southam may jump out at you during the process.

Step 4: Close the Refrigerator Door

Well, go on! Do it! Your success is close at hand!

What Now?

Err... we're not quite sure. Just tell your mates about the refrigerator danger before they make a grab for some lemonade. 'Nuff said.