Havelock North
| Havelock North | |
 |
|
| The Town Itself | |
|---|---|
| Population | 100 yuppies, 8000 drunks, 2000 hillbillies, 5 Maori and Your Mom |
| Area | The size it requires to grow so many grapes |
| Makeup of the town | |
| Businesses | Grape growing, suicide jumps |
| Ethnic groups | 56% drunk, 24% hillbilly, 10% yuppie, 9% JAFA, 1% tourist and 5 Maoris who got lucky at the TAB |
| Climate | Warm, dry, windy, like your undies |
| Urban Planning | Based around a few pods in the town center storing alien life forms |
| The area around it | |
| District Name | Haaastings |
Havelock North, is a town located in Heastings, Noo Zilind. The town is famous for To Mato Peak; Havelock North was built at the bottom of it to stop people jumping from its famous cliffs. Then Edmund Hillary showed New Zealanders how to climb mountains properly and people then found out about how to get up there to jump off the side.
History[edit]
Havelock North was built in several stages. The first part was done in the 1950s as a town originally called Mt. Suicide because of Te Mata Peak. The next part was done in the 1970s in an addition to Mt. Suicide. This town was called Havelock North named after Havelock in the South Island because the town founder mistook the pronunciation as 'Havelcock'. The next part of the town was an extension called Kingsgate built in the late '80s. The last part is still being built, called Brooklands, and commenced construction in 2000.
Lifestyle[edit]
All the inhabitants of Havelock North are so rich that they live on colossal quantities of posh wine, their main diet. People from Havelock North can play at least 3 different instruments so that they can get totally pissed and then play these instruments badly, scaring people in Hastings and Flaxmere.
The houses in Havelock North are generally surrounded by a moat, drawbridge and a fire-breathing dragon in order to stop the people of neighboring Hastings and Flaxmere from shopping for outdoor furniture, plants, cars and televisions in which they could trade in for a second house in their own suburbs.
Popular activities by the locals including watering the lawn, sweeping the driveway and ensuring the house is always locked.
Their main rivals are the Taradale people of Napier who also have a similar lifestyle but have a smaller hill that's the shape of a breast. They normally battle each other to see who is richer and can build the flashest houses and supermarkets in Hawke's Bay.
It is also important to note that Havelock North has one of the, if not the biggest, debt in the country. So even though they have flash houses, cars and drink at cafes all afternoon, it usually is on hire purchase or credit cards.
Today[edit]
Today the town is famous for being the only place in New Zealand (other than – oh yeah, no, it's the only place) where yuppies (rich people), hillbillies (natives) and drunks (majority ethnic group) come together. This is represented by the vineyard culture around the area, reflecting the overall Hastings pattern.