Gratuitous Anime Panty Shot
| |
| Career | 
|
|---|---|
| Ordered: | 3 March, 1984 |
| Laid down: | 2 April, 199X |
| Launched: | 3 April, 199X |
| Commissioned: | 21 May, 199X |
| Decommissioned: | — |
| Status: | Alive and kicking just high enough |
| Struck: | — |
| General Characteristics | |
| Displacement: | One ill-placed short skirt, one ill-timed leg motion |
| Length: | ~3 sec |
| Height: | 3 ft from ground |
| Result: | Embarassing |
| Propulsion: | Addicting candy colors, hypnotic action sequences, peer pressure |
| Speed: | 5-15 fps |
| Range: | Japan, USA, Rest of world |
| Complement: | Millions and counting |
| Armament: | 2 × legs; 1 × panty (various colors/designs); 1 × unsuspecting glazed-eyed girl; 10 × frames per second; ∞ × 330 mm Panty Shot (NTSC-J); ∞ × unfeasible scenarios |
| Motto: | *gasp* Oh ! What are you doing down there ? |
No vessel on the open seas today can lay claim to a better sense of duty, valor, and success than the U.S.S. Gratuitous Anime Panty Shot. From her launch in 199X to today, her faithful crew continues its mission to convert all non-believers to the True Way by her armament of nubile schoolgirls in questionably feasible poses and camera angles.
Although the raw armament of the vessel is limited to what seems like moderately small rounds of ammunition (330 mm Panty Shot), each round carries a powerful charge and her crew is very skilled at firing them. Just as well, the U.S.S. Gratuitous Anime Panty Shot is armed with a nearly limitless variety of turrets, identified from the manufacturer as a standard battery of "ScenarioGuns". The sheer amount of such guns allow her crew to configure the shot in many implausible formations for any scenario (hence the name), including:
- The High-Kick Formation, useful for catching targets off-guard; while the turret is aimed high, the shot comes from a medium to low angle.
- The Hit-The-Floor-And-Tumble Formation, used to confuse; the turrets seem to flail madly for several seconds. Once they come to rest, the shots are launched quickly at a low angle.
- The Seated Formation, a versatile formation; the shots can come from nearly any angle, depending on how the turrets are spread, or "skirted".
Although the vessel's supply of Panty Shot was set from the manufacturer to fit the Non-Turning Sequential Cannon Jumper (NTSC-J) turrets commonly used in its home waters, foreign officers recruited from distant lands have found ways to convert it for use in the Neodynium Tuned Shot Cannon (NTSC), Personal Artillery Launcher (PAL), and Side Ejecting Cranked Artillery Mechanism (SECAM) turrets. This enables the U.S.S. Gratuitous Anime Panty Shot to adapt to any local culture. Devices such as transcoders and dubbing machines may be required, all easily accessible from the ports she stops at.
The Act of sexual congress was first proposed on board this mighty vessel. Abe Lincoln stood proudly on the deck and announced a future House of Sexual Congress.
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