Frankie Boyle
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Yon article may be overly Scottish, no British. Ye shouldnae dae anyhin tae fix it. |
“I've Never Been Kissed.”
“You Have Now”
“I'm so proud of my son for being so funny!”
“Was that offensive? Excellent, my work here is done.”
I reckon, Frankie Boyle (born Franklyn Patterson Gordon Boyle) is a well-known scottish comedian and paedophile.
Early Life[edit]
His father Gordon had a terrible accident when Frankie was born at St. Tennants Hospital in Glasgow, when Gordon slipped and one of his eyes got caught on Frankie's tiny member. Frankie had a particular dislike for his mother Kerry Katona as she would force feed Frankie chicken nuggets and party rings, and due to this she is the victim of his frequent jibes on his hit show Mock the Week. His father Gordon would later make him become an MP for Dundee South, and he got a record vote turnout of two votes (Dundee just couldn't be fucked to vote). These votes were from his father Gordon and someone from the monster-raving looney party who ticked the wrong box. Despite the two votes Frankie decided to become a stand-up comedian. Frankie had a hard life. At a young age, (predicted 17), he was forced into a home for the mentally insane, although it is now believed that he was not ill. However this did effect Frankie as he frequently brings up the troubles he had there through his stand up. Mainly through topics such as paedophilia, necrophilia and bestiality - his Favorite Pastimes.
Frankie likes haggis. A LOT.
Early Stand-Up Routine[edit]
I reckon Frankie's act would comprise mainly of mother-in-law jokes, which granted him access to 20% of Les Dawson's ashes. Later a Channel 4 scout found him and invited him to become a panellist on late night filler unfunny shit show, 8 out of 10 cats, hosted by infamous Alan Carr...wait, no Jimmy Carr. This show caused Frankie to become permantly deaf due to low-brow z-list celebrities and ex-big brother contestants getting on his tits.
Famous relatives[edit]
I reckon Frankie's most famous relative is his cousin, sister, mother(?) and wife Susan Boyle. They have one child together, Jimmy Carr, despite rumors that Susan is actually a virgin. When asked about his relationship with Susan, Frankie said: "Well we have a lot in common - I also look ridiculous dressed as a woman." Other relatives include that one from the Proclaimers.
Mock The Week[edit]
I reckon Frankie would later join BBC Two's new panel show in 2005, telling Jimmy Carr to fuck off in the process. Frankie is on the show with Russell Howard who was involved in a similar accident as Frankie's father, Andy Parsons a former National Front member and Hugh Dennis an infamous former insurance salesman. Some annoying old viewers frequently complain about Frankie's jokes about their beloved Diana get over it she's had a mild stroke, put on weight and her new name's Camilla. On this show Frankie has told viewers he does not approve of his mother (Kerry) having any more babies with her new husband Peter Andre and not sharing the wealth of her Iceland adverts. Since being on the show Frankie has developed into other areas of work such as fan-fiction involving him and other panelist Hugh Dennis (who is the receiver), Frankie has also gone into acting roles as a cleaner on Holby City, a cleaner on Waterloo Road, a cleaner on The Bill and Tracey's husband on Eastenders (He cleans the old vic). In 2009 Frankie Boyle opened a racist door which he then tried to close, but he was unsuccessful.
Ever since Frankie's departure, 13 year old boys all over Britain frequently complain about how their wank boyfriend is no longer providing the show with new material. In unrelated news, around that time Dave saw a 300% increase in viewing figures.
Filmography[edit]
- Babestation (1996-Present; not a model, a caller in...)
- Mock the Week (2005-Present)
- A cleaner in various TV shows (The year one-Total annhilation)
- 8 out of 10 cats (2004-5 minutes later)
- Animal Hospital (1997-2000, when he was caught fucking the dead animals)
Personal Life[edit]
I reckon Frankie is married to famous comedian Jo Brand (who is John Sargeant's sister), they have 8 kids all of whom have been put into care because Jo can't be fucked to cook for them and Frankie's just got sick of them. He has had an affair with an owl and a kitten. Frankie has one sister. Her name is Susan Boyle and one day, for sheer shits and giggles, he dressed up as his sister and went on britian's got talent. Frankie came second in the now famous radio show.
Quotes[edit]
“I'm now so old my pussy is haunted.”
“I love black people, I think everyone should have one.”