Forum:I want to be featured in a featured article.

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I want to be featured in a featured article simply because I WANT TO BE FEATURED or given accolades or awards or candy or more than two bits or something. The potential recursive double entendre amuses me. You can make up stuff if you like as long as I look good.

A few things: My favorite color is red. (Across the pond my favourite colour is grey.) I prefer you refer to me as passionate and not stalker-like. Just because I robbed a retirement home does not mean I hate old people. The most unique thing about me is the way I jauntily drive my six-wheeler. I am better than Better than Ezra. I bet the farm and won the lottery. I once brought sexy back. Oh, also, clouds stare at me and imagine five dimensional shapes.

Thanks, I look forward to your work(s).  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  08:27, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I'm sorry, but I can't. I only refer to myself in my articles. This is because I'm awesome. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 08:47, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I, also, only refer to Modus in my articles. This is because he pays me. --UU - natter 11:28, Dec 11

No problem! just go back into all of your articles and change your name to mine. (Unless it puts me in a negative or unseemly light, then also change the light source.)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  19:32, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I would refer to Modus in my articles, but I STILL HAVEN'T GOT THE CHECK, YOU CHEAPSKATE! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 20:41, Dec 11 2009

I can totally out pay him by a non-wooden .40 bits.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  08:29, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Who? -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:53, 11 Dec

Me. Now get on it. These things don't write themselves. (I know, I've been waiting to no avail.)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  22:54, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

Oh. Well, you obviously didn't look hard enough. Now shut the fuck up and go write an article. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:59, 11 Dec

Nah, most of that stuff isn't about me. Plus it's in the wrong lighting.

When you guys all collaborate on this use some words like courageous, awesome, haberdasher, though-provoking, sexy, champion, wordsmith, cool, and tantalizing for the best effect.

Geesh! I don't need to go and write any other articles; I'm practically writing this one for you!.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  23:32, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I was once mentioned in a featured article

However indirectly or metaphorically that was. So now you can all go back to the dark holes you crawled out of and sulk all night, because none of you will ever achieve a glory as great as mine. Except for Modus. MUAHAHAHA! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:09, 11 December 2009

Obviously you are slacking because I, too, will be mentioned once you type it up.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  22:51, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I was mentioned in a featured article once. It had a link to my userpage and everything! FUCK YEAH I AM SO PUNK ROCK! 09:26, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

See! Now I envy you. (Unless you're lying 'cause I see no link there.) This is EXACTLY why I want to be featured in a featured article. It boggles the mind; like, how can people go on without knowing I accidentally encouraged Tiger Woods to "live a little" back in '99?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  06:13, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Here's the article. Now feature it.

Happytimes is a courageous, awesome, haberdasher, though-provoking, sexy, champion, wordsmith, cool, and tantalizing. -- Style  Guide 09:14, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

That article needs work. I suggest the following improvements:

That should keep it off vfd, but I'm not sure if its feature worthy yet. --Mn-z 22:16, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks guys! Pretty good so far, but shouldn't there be a semicolon after wordsmith? And about sixteen to 43 more paragraphs? Maybe we could add some stuff about exactly how great I am. Like how I sort orphans into categories and help promote the non-edible intelligent ones to success. Or how I single highhandedly saved the remaining part of a meal from a choking victim? Stuff like that I suppose. Hm,m,m,m,m,m,m....  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  04:32, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

I have a new idea...

I guess I don't need a super long article to feed my ego after all. As long as someone just nominates Ireng Shui for me you can all vote for it and that way I'll be "featured in a featured article that I also wrote too" and I will be sated. Ok? Thanks again!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  06:01, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Meh. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 06:33, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

^ User:Fag/sig5 06:34, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Don't be so quick to judge! Someday I'll get around to (re)creating it to be more than just a intellectual exercise in humor. (Plus it will be about 13-20 paragraphs long. You need it to be at least 10 to get on the front page right?)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  02:08, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

No. I wrote one that was just one word. It was a pretty awesome word, though. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:40, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Was it "haberdasher?" 'Cause I totally mentioned that you should use that word in my feature about featured about me article.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  08:28, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

No, and I've already used "haberdashery" in another, unrelated, article. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 08:40, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Well I went to your user page to figure out which article that was and I didn't see it... but you've got more featured articles than I've got fingers and toes to count on so I'm not all that surprised that my penchant for laziness gave in before my determination to determine the article that you speak of. Let's just say that I believe you so we can save any more time spent on this subject, and instead spend it on getting me featured A.S.A.P. Thanks!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  09:16, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

It was on that page about stuff. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:11, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

The improved improved version

-- Style  Guide 08:04, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Better still. It's getting there. Add stuff about how I save kittens from Chinese food restaurants too.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  10:38, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

So... buttons?

I hate to ask this time of year but I haven't seen anything new in awhile. I know you're all busy with Uncyclopedia Survivor, the holiday season, surprise pregnancies, Un-drama, and all; but I'd really like to see some progress here. I set a personal goal to be featured by New Years Eve, mostly so I could get bloody drunk without having to worry about my unending fame as I begin the journey through one more year, and I'd appreciate your help.

I understand sacrifice. I do. I myself took the remainder of my yearly lottery winnings a few days ago and placed a multi-million unit order for the Toys-For-Tots donation program here in America (which I'm sure has kept Pacific-Rim children working late into the night to reach their Christmas production deadline goal). Just think of the happiness and happytimes you too could bring about if you were able to contribute a small portion of your time... much like the happiness I've brought about to all of those deserving welfare children.

I know some of you are also trying to finish up that last bit of community service before the end of the year. As a solution, try asking your parole office if you might count the time spent on this project to make one kid's <Insert Traditional December Seasonal Event Here>'s dream come true, also serve to lessen your sentence. I bet they'd go for it!

In short, I know I can count on the loving community here to make my dream come true, and I just wanted to thank you ahead of time. You make me happy just to be part of the family.

Merry <Insert Traditional December Seasonal Event Here> to you and yours, and may all your holiday dreams come true.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  07:18, December 24, 2009 (UTC)

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