Forum:Absurdopedia needs your help

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Note: This topic has been unedited for 6166 days. It is considered archived - the discussion is over.

We have a template named "White only". It says that the editing of the marked article is prohibited to women, dogs and blacks, because the problems discussed are difficult for them to understand. Today we created the opposing template "Black only", and we need your advice with the text content. Here is what we suggest. The style is G-English.

Only for black fellaz. Da matta spoken is da really complicated one. Only black bros may edit this shit. No snowballs here, yo dig?

Please, suggest a way to make it more authentic. Inquirer from Absurdopedia.

I'm telling him to spell "Only for black homeys" - but he doesn't listen to me! 77.121.219.226 13:10, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

I'm shunning this on behalf of equal template rights for women and dogs. I'm double shunning for equal template rights for ugly women and female dogs. Feel the awesome power of my eschew. Sean.hoyland - tak() 14:43, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

Just tell us russians what's better: fellow or homeboy? 77.121.219.226 14:56, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

I think that when the articles requiring such templates appear we will create them. Inquirer from Absurdopedia.

Okay, there will be cool templates for sure, however we would need help from speaking dogs and speaking women in order to create them. But now the question is black fellaz or bros or... omg, I dunno who they are, Houston, we have a problem here! --195.34.238.36 15:14, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

I suggest you ask an authentic black person. There are always numerous groups of them standing on street corners or outside drugstores, poppin' caps in asses and such like. They'd be delighted to answer any questions you may have, I'm sure. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I'm terribly sorry, but in Russia they are not that numerous as at the moment of asking this question I could have wished. So, even you suggestion is so great (F***ing really good), we have noone to ask in our country. Excuse us, will you? Maybe you could make me pleasure and ask some black person poppin' his cap in ass this question (: ? Inquirer from Absurdopedia.

Have you considered 'Tintin in the Congo' as a source ? I believe many consider this as an essential reference document in these matters. That's the one where Coco says "We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools" before Tintin blew that rhino up. Sean.hoyland - tak() 17:07, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

Never read that book. But I'd like to. Inquirer 19:14, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

Black russian? That's 1 3/4 oz vodka plus 3/4 oz Kahlua. Refreshing... Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 17:21, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

I've tried out vodka already but black russians still aren't appearing around me. What I have to do, tovarisch? --dna² 18:19, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

Drink more, my friend. Wait for little green people and then paint your body with some black mess and look into the mirror. Inquirer 19:14, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

Is help for person of you to be talking in manner of this. Is only way to be citizen of Soviet type. (Dagnabit. I never should have come to this page...) Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 19:44, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

Citizens of Soviets have come? Greetings of welcome, comrades! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:03, Feb 1

Тамбовский волк тебе товарищ :))) Puffer 19:57, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

Ты пользуешься тем, что тебя мало кто поймёт? Вернее, никто - таких идиом у них нет (: Inquirer 14:33, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Ну да - и я ПРУСЬ с этого! Это же как Мать Кузьмы, даже хуже! Tovarisch, мы же щас просто как Яusskaya Maфiya! )))) Puffer 15:55, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

• But wait! Why do the Russians need to have English? Isn't that the real question? Shouldn't they just write "Где туалет?" on their template and leave it at that? Yeah. Those are the real issues here people. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 23:14, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

'Cause we're trying to create a gansta-looking shablon ("template", чтоб тебя, Паффер (Inquirer)) so we need to write something ganstarish on it Puffer 19:57, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

Oh. I was assuming that Russian gangsters spoke Russian. Like in those James Bond films. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 19:59, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

I've never seen a jamesbond picture in which russians said something actually russian. You know, their "russian" is more dreadful then my english!))) Wee need it for article about GTA. Puffer 20:05, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

For "GTA: Straight Gansta" section, to be correct. Inquirer 14:33, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, he's right, for that one. Puffer 15:57, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Take Two

Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Those russian communists are so rude and unpleasant, this topic is completely fake, so on so on so on. Let it be if you feel like this way.

But the question is the same. We users of russian Uncyclopedia do not have an Ebonics expert among us. It's sad but it's the fact. If some English native speaker and US citizen (or legal resident) reading this topic can say one or two sentences in African-American Vernacular English then, well... dear Sir or Madam, would you be so kind to say us rude and unpleasant fake russian communists: is the phrase "Only for black homeys. Da matta spoken is da f*cking serious one. Only black bros may edit dis shit. No snowballs here, yo dig?" correct in terms of AAVE? And if it is not, which version would be the correct one?

If this question is rude in some way, or if it lacks the essential political correctness, or if it violates some Uncyclopedia rule that I don't know, then I'm completely sorry about it and I'm ready to give any necessary excuses and take any necessary punishments. I'm not an English native speaker, I never have visited English speaking country, I do not have any English native speaking friends, that's why I just don't know if the question is insulting or not. But we desperately need your help, dear Sir or Madam. Please, bitte, s'il vous plaît, pozhaluista, onegai desu. For us rude fake communists you are the last hope and the last resort.

--dna² 18:16, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Perhaps we can help. I doubt it. We're too busy being witty and irreverant. I, as an example, can barely speak English, much less a cooler, less rule-oriented variant of it. Also, we tend to swing wildly from being really helpful to being no help at all. Perhaps, this (American gangsta):

"Damn, yo! This pizzle is fo' the homeys, for rizzle. Get yo' cracka-ass outa Compton, aight?"

Or, if you want to go in another direction entirely (Russian gangsta):

“In day of future, and future-time may not be happening, I am to be call you on helping with me. Until day of future, be taking this justice as gift on day with marriage of child of female-type.”

~ Don Corleone

See? Madness! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:24, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Listen to Modus. He's from the streets, straight outta the muthafuckin' 'hood, you dig? Also, it may or may not be politically incorrect or offensive, but either way it's covered by our most important policy. ;) - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:36, Feb 3

Or you could go with a completely fake wigger-style phrase, just to see if any other rude fake communists notice. For instance, "Dis' shit be for da negroes eyes only. Any o' you white-ass bitches betta scram b'fore we pop a cap in yo' ass, you dig?" would probably get you a face full of fist in any major city in the US. Oh, an Led, nobody cares 'bout yo mutha trucking policies. Peace. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 18:38, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Oh, no you di-int! I oughta busta cap in yo' honky ass fo' that, bee-otch. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:47, Feb 3

"Damn, yo! This pizzle is fo' the homeys, for rizzle. Get yo' cracka-ass outa Compton, aight?" - I like it! Puffer 19:04, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

I think Boomer's version is more informative, though. Anyway, Modus, Led, Boomer - thank you for your participation! It was helpful and educational. No joke. --dna² 19:19, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Yes, thank you all for your help. Now we can return to our homeplanetpage. Watch the stars, let the Force be with you, blah-blah-blah ))) Puffer 21:16, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

I think we'll be back. Fell free to visit us too. Thanks again. Inquirer 21:34, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

• I see that my Canadian opinion is not welcome here. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 21:40, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

When next extremely violent unbelievably brutal incredibly lethal trash GTA series game will take place at Toronto we'll contact you immediately. Your opinion is very important to us. Stay tuned. --195.34.238.36 06:20, 4 February 2008 (UTC)

Oops, it was me. --dna² 06:23, 4 February 2008 (UTC)

Select quotes from GTA: Toronto: "Wups. Sorry aboot that, eh.", "I'll have an extra large double double and a bear paw, please.", "Aw jeez, I got blood on my toque." & "I couldn't do that, eh. That would be illegal." Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 06:32, 4 February 2008 (UTC)

I like the last one. I believe it's from the next to last mission, "The Road to Hell", where protagonist have to drive through a red light. --dna² 06:59, 4 February 2008 (UTC)

Speaking of Telemundo

Absurdo and Pedia are characters on a show on Telemundo ("El programa televisivo de Absurdo y Pedia!"). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:04, 3 February 2008 (UTC)