Flaming asshole
- This article is about persons who are far more socially abrasive than your generic assholes. For other uses, see Flaming asshole (disambiguation).
“You've gotta admit we're pretty damn awesome.”
“Condi Rice isn't exactly one for gettin' crunk an' sportin' bling.”
Flaming assholes are a specialized form of asshole. These people consider human life a garnish for their Caesar salads, usually consumed with plenty of dressing to cover up the blandness of most people. These people couldn't care less about you, your mom, or your Malaysian alter-ego who happens to like chocolate cake. In short, a flaming asshole is pure evil... only more so.
"Flaming assholes" are also lead singers of a local shitty Brass band that ignore their kids in lieu of stroking their own egos!! A.K.A. Douchbags, they are in their mid 40's and think the world revolves around them, when in fact their sons resent them and want nothing to do with them.
Origins from Reality..Reality[edit]
- The term "flaming asshole" originated at the meeting of Obama's first presidency campaign when Obama was called a flaming asshole by Hillary. She first used the word "flaming" to mean "incredible idiocy." From there it was only a short leap of a year before he proved it.
Origins from Fantasy~Maybe Reality[edit]
- The term "Flaming Asshole" originated also from Madain Sari,the home of the little lady.. who loves the tailed creature.. So when the Red-Headed Man fights the tailed creature.. he flames then farts.. then asks what his' name was.. Then.. they say. ASSHOLE. then He said.. Others call me as the "Flaming Asshole!".... :D
Properties[edit]
Flaming assholes have an event horizon of radius 15 meters. Outside this range, the average person is unaware that a flaming asshole is in the vicinity. However, within the event horizon, not even light, hope, or bad news (which is known to travel faster than light) can escape. In fact, a recent study showed that the average flaming asshole had engulfed 5.3 innocent bystanders before assimilating the researchers.
Once one has passed the event horizon of a flaming asshole, there are four possible outcomes. The first and most common is that a person falls in and is immediately destroyed by waves of psychotic, sadistic cynicism. In a second, less common result, a person travels completely through the flaming asshole and is ejected into an alternate reality where up is down, left is right, and the toast never lands butter-side-up. In a third and even less common outcome, the bystander bursts into flame and, like a phoenix rising from ashes, is sucked into the flaming asshole as in the first case.
In the fourth, final, and infinitely improbable outcome, the person's density, mass, and sadism match that of the flaming asshole and cause the person to explode away as a brand new flaming asshole. This has only occurred once in recorded history, but Lenin could never live it down since his spawned flaming asshole, Stalin, became even more of a flaming asshole than Lenin ever was.
In some cases, persons with normal levels of assholery can be transformed temporarily into flaming assholes because God is entertained by bouts of stupidity. The number-one occurrence of this phenomenon is in customer-supplier relationships, except in California where it is surpassed by automobile drivers.
Theories on Motivation[edit]
Contrary to popular belief, one flaming asshole is not equal to another. It is generally accept that while most flaming assholes exhibit their assholery purely for pleasure, many others do so for other reasons. What these "other reasons" are, exactly, is the subject of much debate among asshole specialists. Quite a few suggest mere ignorance is to blame, while others (who tend to be assholes in their own rights) subscribe to theories involving aliens and/ or Satan.
Notable Flaming Assholes[edit]
-Andy (AKA lumix14), Bill Sauter, all of the Jonas Faggots