Fish Wangers
The Fishy Sailors Fish Wangers were created in the year 2006 by some rather strange people who had too much time on their hands. Fish Wangers were most popular in the 1980s, 25 years before their inception. During this time, the batter industry rocketed to sky high levels, however Captain Birdseye went bust and became an alcoholic, he was often seen kicking small dogs and children in a bid to get some joy in his miserable, useless life.
Cillit Wang[edit]
Cillit Wang, the company who made Fish Wangers, also tried to fill some other gaps in the food market by introducing Beef Wangers, Crab Wangers, Squid Wangers, Pigeon Wangers and Korean Fried Dog Wangers. The meaty rods proved irresistible to thousands. 'Wang even went to extremes to satisfy vegetarians with their over-stuffed Vegi-Wangers, thus allowing the entire population to experience the Wangy sensation. At this time Captain Birdseye was suicidal.
In December 2006 the company received its first award. It was voted product of the year by Ben Smith and was up against other rivals such as Aunt Bessy's, Slim Fast, Happy Shoppers Cheesy Balls, Haribo and Vitalin Bitch Diet. Ben also commented on the unique amazing taste of his sample Fish Wanger.
| “ | These Fish Wangers are great, they go well with my pair of nice big spicy meat balls, and they're also good on toast. | ” |
Cillit Wang products have been enjoying enormous popularity in Scotland, after the release of their Haggis Wangers (made from blood, pubic hair and a cows 3rd stomach) was acclaimed as the best thing since Malt Whiskey. Long may the success continue. Cillit Wang made it into the "Superbrands Top 500 for 2006". It's up there with the best at #144.5, in between BLU TACK® and SMIRNOFF®, and well ahead of previous market leaders Birdseye, who languished in 475th place. A great achievement. This had become the final straw for Captain Birdseye, who was last sighted 52 miles west off Land's End. At the time of the sighting, it was believed that Captain Birdseye was talking to a bucket, possibly filled with fish, and how he was: "going to freeze you, real good!" His whereabouts remain unknown.
Other products[edit]
Plans are currently in the pipeline for a new range of Wangers for the health conscious, including 99% Fat Free, 98% Fat Free, Lo Rubber, Lo Salt and Lo Prozac counterparts to the successful range. Look out for them!
Just recently the press have managed to get hold of pictures of what is believed to be the prototype of their up coming Horse Wanger. Many employees have been sent to hospital over the last few weeks after getting a serious case of lock jaw after trying to suck on the lush meaty goodness of prototype horse wanger. We are pleased to say that they are recovering well and have been given fair compensation, and some free Wangers.
Plans are currently in production of the new packaging of the Top 3rd favourite wanger, the Beef Wanger. Look out for them in a shop near you.