Female circumcision

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“The first time I heard about this, I puked. The second time I heard about this, I got mad. The third time I heard about this, I went on a masturbation spree to kill all kittens! DIE YOU BASTARDS, I screamed! However, I soon got bored of hearing about it. Who cares about female circumcision anyway?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Female Circumcision

Female circumcision is done to prevent accumulation of smegma, vaginal cancer and to remove the clitoral hood which contains Langerhans cells for HIV infection.

The History of Female Circumcision[edit]

Female Circumcision was invented 1545BCE by a famous kitten called Fornicating Magpie, who by the way hated his name, when his owner used him in a naughty sex acted known as pussy cat in my pussy (don't try this at home).

Better keep your panties on girls...

“Well, what can I say? She used me for masturbation and there's a freakin' war going on. Come on, you can't judge me, you would do exactly the same as I did. You'd bite her clitoris off. Yeah. Okay, it hurts like hell and she never had an orgasm again, but then again, she picked wrong kitten to fuck with! That's the price to pay. That's the price you all little whores out there will pay! Buahahahahaha... ”

~ Fornicating Magpie on his greatest invention

After years and years being a kitty toy for a lonely young woman, Fornicating Magpie went completely nuts. Female Circumcision became his ambition. He said that he would rather die then leave any girl to keep her clitoris. However, after he said that, he died. Unluckily his legacy lived on and another kitten started to market his idea. Soon many kittens joined in as they saw a new hope in female circumcision after male circumcision failed to end masturbation.

Everybody laughed first, but unfortunately for all the girls around the globe, this mad evil inventor kitten's threat turned out to be real. Nowadays almost 200 million girls live unorgasmic sad lifes without their precious pearl due the Human vs. Kitten War and every day roughly 6000 clits are chopped off . That's why kittens praise Female Circumcision as their Ultimate Weapon.

Male circumcision is illegal, so female circumcision should be made illegal too! ~Intactivist on circumcision

“The Ultimate Weapon? Of course I know it. I love it. Make the count: an average woman masturbates maybe about 5000 times in her life and 200 million women can't do it even once. Billions and billions of kittens saved! ”

~ Anonymous kitten on The Ultimate Weapon

How female circumcision became such a great success?[edit]

The complete story of marketing female circumcision is an amazing and exciting story filled with danger and surprising twists, but in the end one little add made it extremely popular and fashionable. Have you seen it?

The Add:

"No sex tonight, eh? Your girlfriend has a headache? Oh man, we are so sorry for you. Wouldn't you like her to be more horny? We knew you would like that, yeah. Hey buddy, we can help you. Yes we can, yes we can. Do you know why she isn't horny now? Oh, you don't? That's bad. But that's not a problem, because we know. Yes. She isn't horny because you're lousy in bed! Hey, don't get mad, but that's the truth. You are lousy in bed, accept it. You are so bad that she rather masturbates alone with her own hands then sleeps with you. Don't believe it? Believe it.

But don't you worry, mate, we have the answer. Yes. We can make your woman stop masturbating. It's easy. Just slice her clitoris off, that's all you have to do. Sounds easy, doesn't it? We know you must be thinking that she won't feel orgasm again or get much joy out of sex. Hey, don't care about it. You don't have to work for her pleasure any more because she won't have any no matter what you do. Think about it. And besides: less for her, more for you!

Do it man!

Cut it off!

This ad was provided you by Evil Kittens Nice Humans Foundation"

Of course a lot of men fell for the trick. Just say "more sex" and they'll do anything. Poor women, but well, it's not men's problem.

Where in God's Earth this happens?[edit]

Western world has hardly ever been interested about female circumcision. In Victorian times kittens' anti-masturbation propaganda momenteraly turned Europeans from sane to insane. Thousands of little men were ripped off from their boats as a cure for it. And it was a fine cure though, no woman masturbated after the procedure. Luckily for future generations though, sanity became popular once more.

In these days it happens mostly only in some African countries: in Egypt, Nigeria and Somalia for example. There isn't much kittens in those countries so the inhabitants hardly know what a evil crime they are committing when they unarm women from their weapons against them.

Check out your neighbourhood. Some refugees might have brought it in your country too. Don't let your wife or girls play a game of cards with African man. Who knows what they end up losing. Be aware.

Different Forms of Female Circumcision[edit]

There are different forms of female circumcision. Though, kittens do not care which one of those is performed as long as they stay alive.


Sunna means cutting the clitoral hood off. It's basically analogous to male circumcision, the clit dries out, shrivels and desensitizes like a bell-end does. Kittens think this is waste of everyone's time because it doesn't prevent any masturbation at all. Quite pointless really.


Every time a clitoridectomy is done, kittens celebrate. It means cutting of the whole clitoris or a part of it. At least the head of it is clipped so no masturbation or orgasms to any girl or a woman who goes through it. Although some say that women could indeed still have a vaginal orgasm, most disagree. With so many alive kittens, it truly seems that these women are indeed incapable of making their flesh taco scream from joy.


Unfortunately kittens like to play hardball when it comes to masturbation. Infibulation is the most horrible form of female circumcision ever to be invented: All of the clitoris is carefully scratched off, vaginal lips are completely sliced in pieces and thrown in the dumbster when vagina is sawn so tight that even menstruation blood can hardly come out. When a woman gets married, husbands open it with a knife in the wedding night like a christmas present. What a huge erotic ecstasy that must be for his wife...