Extreme Chess
Etreme Chess Playing or ECP was invented in Chinese opium dens around the 6th century B.C.E shortly after the Chinese discovered a new trading route to India through Europe. Around the 7th century opium addicted China men were wealthy and powerful enough to fund a large exploration around the world. The Chinese spent many years in Europe where the game was highly enjoyed by nobility who sacrificed peasents using them as game pieces. From their it spread to the New world, but had little success because there was not enough Native Americans for game pieces. After dropping by for a cup of tea, the Chinese then smoked some more opium, The Chinese explorers got so high they forgot about exploring the world and just wanted to blow stuff up instead. They used the newly discovered gun-powder to destroy the trading route, sending Europe back into the really dark ages for another millennia or so.
How It Is Played[edit]
Extreme Chess is played like ordinary chess, except for some extreme differences. All the pieces are actual people who are given weapons according to their rank. For example Pawns get small knives. Rooks get hammers, or a cannon. Knights usually wield swords, and donkey kong wields a big DONG. Bishops get flame-throwers.
Queens are allowed a large caliber hand-gun,.45 cal Desert Eagle is usually a favoite among extreme chess players. Alternatively the Queen is allowed small caliber submachine gun, like the 9mm tommy gun. Kings are armed with a large sword or battle axe. The Game is played by appointing two nerds as commanders, they tell the people where to move. When two ranks of an opposing side meet the first one to kill the other takes his spot. the people move in classic chess style according to their ranks, Castle things move only vertically or horizontal, Horse thingy move in 'L' shape ect. The game is won when one king decapitates the other, otherwise known as a checkmate. Like wise if the game enters a stalemate (when the two kings are too pussy to kill the other) then the game is decided by who has the most people left over. All the players are required to wear 19th century Victorian era clothing.
Where it is played[edit]
NO WHERE! The game is banned in every country on Earth including Atlantis. This game is a bloodbath! The sport is illegal, but is usually played in underground clubs in Uber-posh cities like Tokyo and England. similar to where Underground turtle racings are held. In fact many of the location host both events. Some at the same time although this is quite messy because both sports are a bloodbaths!
Media's Outlook on ECP[edit]
the movie Fight Club starring Brad Pitt and Brad Pitts Abs, spiked awareness in the sport. Acclaimed Occultist, and salesman of Oxiclean Billy Mays has been charge several times with playing and participating in the illegal activity, although he has denied claims of every knowing what ECP is, saying, "BILLY MAYS HERE, I'VE NEVER PLAYED ECP!!!" After he made this statement he was engulfed in a large cloud of smoke and a brilliant flash, he simply disappeared.