Euroipods Crusade

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The Euroipods Crusade of 2005 was perhaps the bloodiest and most one of the most pointless conflicts of the last 100 50 10 years.

The Nomination[edit]

"Yesterday, Dec 2, 2005, a date that will live in infamy, the featured article was suddenly and deliberately changed to Euroipods by the administrators of Uncyclopedia."

-FDR on Euroipods.

At 04:54 UTC, the featured article of Uncyclopedia was Barrel Clowns, and all was well. There was no real dissent about its value as an article (1 complaint on the talk page, no votes against). There was relative peace on Uncyclopedia (well, except for the usual shenanigans). All that would change in a heartbeat.

On the Vote for Highlight page, a stub had been nominated for feature. The entirety of which follows:

A website giving away free ipods in return for
a) completing offers b) reffering freinds to do the same

On the VFH page,the democratic vote leaned slightly against. Rcmurphy made the announcement.


-Rcmurphy on Euroipods
Image from the Documentary "Euroipods 9/11"

The desperate attempt to save the admins from themselves[edit]

The nomination led to an uproar unlike any seen before or since in the annals of Uncyclopedia. Normal, everyday users were thrown into a frenzy desperately trying to remove the article from the front page.

The mob begins[edit]

The first shot was fired when Reverend 47Monkey led a small band of fundamentalists to attack the talk page at 05:25, 2 Dec 2005 (UTC). An hour later, WTF warriors led by Poofers and his associate Mindspillage issued their battlecries. A person usually referred to as "the Putz" led a surprising counterattack, and civil flamewar erupted.

In usually turbulent Isra1337, the ability of the Featured page's Democracy to function was questioned, and Nintendorulez, the Lenin of this battle, made his first recorded appearance. In a desperate attempt to keep the peace, Mhaille asked his fellow administrators if he could end it with a deletion. Todd_Lyons warned him that this would brand him as a traitor, and Mhaille took up an position of neutrality from that point forward. Mhaille wasn't the only peacemonger, though, Chronarion attempted to find a middle ground between the parties and failed miserably.

Flammable led a small force to root out the quickly growing rebellion, with only his small arms, leaving the multiple explosive devices at home for this battle. There he met Clorox, where he had this heated exchange.

"Too stupid to be featured."

-Clorox on Euroipods

"Maybe YOU'RE too stupid to be featured. Ever think about that? Huh? Huh? Yeah punk!"

-Flammable on Clorox

"...Okay... you mean my user page?"

-Clorox on ?

Euroipods get Protection[edit]

The pro-Euroipod forces.

With the growing rebellion, the Uncyclopedian Administrators knew that had to do something drastic to stop the downfall of everything they had worked hard to create. Flammable placed a wall around Euroipods, protecting it from the growing mass of dissidents. Clorox attempted to reason with Flammable, but that never works. PWNED!

It was here, at 16:55 (UTC) on Dec 7, 2005, that Nintendorulez first uttered the words of wisdom that would make him famous.

"I don't see any humor either. Explain the joke to me."

-Nintendorulez on Euroipods

It is arguable whether Anidnmeno actually tried to explain the joke to Nintendorulez or further antagonize him. In fact, Anidnmeno has the distinction of being the first to try to reason with Nintendorulez, only to be cut down cruelly during the negotiation. Cries of vengeance for their fellow comrade Anidnmeno led what has become known as the pro-Euroipod forces to take even more drastic measures to reason with the rebels' charismatic leader, Nintendorulez.

Rcmurphy's "Yes" speech[edit]

At this point in the battle, where more and more users were falling to Nintendorulez's side, Rcmurphy made a desperate public relations move to try to quell the growing resistence. During primetime television's season finale of Survivor, Rcmurphy made an inpromptu speech where he laid out a "well-researched and thought-out answer" to the question of if Euroipods should have been featured.

"Yes. That is all, go back to work."

-Rcmurphy on Euroipods

It didn't take long for a response from the opposition came back through the Euroipods talk page.

"I'm here to provide you with a well-researched and thought-out reply to your answer:Go fuck yourself. That is all, go back to wanking."

-anonymous anti-Euroipods dissenter

This sent Rcmurphy back to his cabinet, who assured him that, not only was his speech better, the poll numbers didn't actually reflect voter support for the war.


User:Nintendorulez led the people's revolt with grace and eloquence.

I think perhaps all the debate would be settled if somebody would explain the joke here, if any. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 01:40, 3 Dec 2005 (UTC)

This may explain the joke: MISTA T SAYS "CLICK HERE, SUCKA" If that doesn't do the trick, you should watch some Ed Wood movies. --Putz 07:58, 3 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Oh, I see, it's scarcely-meaningful pretentious bullshit. Gotcha. --Carlos the Mean 13:51, 3 Dec 2005 (UTC)

I still don't find this article funny. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 18:10, 3 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Mission Accomplished[edit]

"This argument is not about Free ipods. It was never about Free ipods. This argument is about justice."

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr on Euroipods

Euroipods was replaced by German Grammar on Dec 4 2005 at 00:19 UTC, with little to no fanfare. Though the crusade had succeeded, still, the battle raged on. It seems that the crusaders terrorists insurgency within Uncyclopedia had taken root, and would not go away with a single victory. The argument had grown beyond whether the article should be on the front page. This had become an ideological struggle.

While it is unclear why the struggle continued after the victory, from the following commentary, it is quite possible that it involves somebody's mother.

Again, this is raw footage from the field, and may not be suitable from all audiences.

Joke? (cont.)[edit]

To quote Einstein the Mean "This shit is crap" I didn't say that Einstein did, how this got onto the frontpage no one knows. --Mr Gridenko 01:30, 4 Dec 2005 (UTC)

I was a skeptic as to weather or not this should actually be a featured article, at least at first. It pales in comparission to "J.D. Salinger", "AAAAAAAAA!", and "Redundancy" (and "Redundancy" for that matter). I however, though not compleatly, changed my mind after reading the article submitted by Putz above. Although I'm not quite sure if theres some deeper joke here, I do believe that it's "Featured Article" material. Lets all just agree that somthing new isin't always bad, and sometimes somthing new is gooder then somthing old. I only hope that no one tries to replicate it.--MrJimmy 05:32, 4 Dec 2005 (UTC)

No, it wasn't funny, it as shit. Nothing about this article is funny in any way, shape or form. It's just a one-liner about freeipods under a different name. Normally this stuff gets QVFD'd in an instant. And to make matters worse the article has been locked to prevent people from making it funny. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 01:27, 5 Dec 2005 (UTC)
It IS funny (please note that, if nothing else, the fact that I bolded and uppercased the word "is" makes Euroipods funny), but quite obviously not everyone will think that. Since some (Nintendorulez) have yet to stop argueing about it however, I will provide the joke behind Euroipods; it is as follows: Euroipods, when boiled down, isin't funny at all, but that, in essence, is what makes it funny (enough commas?). This artcle has a ban however, if anyone gets the bright idea that posting anymore true "one liners," it will cease to be funny and just be annoying.--MrJimmy 04:25, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)
That... doesn't make sense... --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 12:00, 7 Dec 2005 (UTC)

A call for peace[edit]

"Imagine there's no euroipods... it isn't hard to do..."

-John Lennon on Euroipods

It was here that MrJimmy, in a desperate bid for peace, attempted to lend a voice of reason in what was becoming a lengthy occupation of Euroipod's talkpage. Could it be that there could be a peaceful resolution to this flamewar? Could it be that this resolution was, in fact, the purpose behind God's creation of Uncyclopedia, for our very existence on this Earth?

Again, I let the user tell the story.

Tourette's Syndrome's talk page had a purpose, the people in there were really trying to argue for somthing that could be considered "just." We're just in here deciding if giving away free iPods in Europe, over the internet, is funny if you put it in encyclopedia form.--MrJimmy 16:24, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)


Nintendorulez leading his troops into battle.

This bid for peace was shortlived, however, as Rcmurphy, frustrated and out for vengeance for the hours of life lost by his forces explaining the same joke, repeatly, in different ways (desperately trying to find a way to explain their side to the insurgents), set a trap, hoping to secure victory through shock and awe.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Rcmurphy:

Okay guys, here's the deal. I want you to compile a list of things you think are funny and then those will be the rules by which I choose featured articles. Here is a empty, pre-formatted list for you.

Things that are funny to me

1.Not Euroipods, which makes me very confused and upset

Please sign your name so that I know who to laugh at. --—rc (t) 02:04, 5 Dec 2005 (UTC)

1. Not Euroipods, which makes me confused and very upset.
2. Things that have a joke.
Seriously, explain the joke here. It just looks like a crappy page that failed to get QVFD'd.
--[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 12:45, 5 Dec 2005 (UTC)
*Points and laughs --—rc (t) 05:04, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)
1. Euroipods, which makes me confused and very upset.
2. Everything else in the featured article page.
3. Mostly every other article ont he Uncyclopedia (With the exeption of any of the ones I wrote)--MrJimmy 04:31, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)
*Points and laughs --—rc (t) 05:04, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)
Wait. Actually, that list is okay. --—rc (t) 05:18, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Why Euroipods is funny:[edit]

It was getting to crouded up there so I have moved down here to finally break down every possible joke within the article, specifically so that Nintendrulez will go away.

  • Reason 1: As was provided above, this article is funny because it is not funny. It may seem absurd but it is the truth. See also this article from the prestigious University of Binghamton: [1]
  • Reason 2: If you will notice (although you'd have to be as slow as me not to notice) the fact that in the first line of the article it states: "A website giving away free ipods..." Now note the second line, sub-devision a, it states "money," as in they charge for their "free iPods."

--MrJimmy Journal talk 18:20, 7 Dec 2005 (UTC)

So that's one "joke" in it's entirity, and it's a lame one. Not funny, not frontpage material. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 23:23, 7 Dec 2005 (UTC)
Just rest assured that your only one unimportant person on the internet, and while you may be able to gather an army of people like you, I will always be here to fight them off. And it is too funny!--MrJimmy Journal talk 00:57, 8 Dec 2005 (UTC)
If there's a joke, than what is it? --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 01:40, 8 Dec 2005 (UTC)
Your still pushing this? Your still asking what the joke is after I've provided it in many different, not to mention redundant, forms? Your presistant...--MrJimmy Journal talk 05:43, 8 Dec 2005 (UTC)
It's not a joke if it's not funny. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 02:23, 10 Dec 2005 (UTC)
*Picks it up again* It's not funny, to you. I, and many others think it is HIL-arious.*Drops yet again*--MrJimmy Journal talk 05:32, 10 Dec 2005 (UTC)

GUYS! ENOUGH WITH THE DRAMA, you're making ED envious.[edit]

It was a joke. Jay Oh Kay Ee. Joke. Let it be. You're all beating it to death over the one day it was up. --Chronarion 05:20, 14 Dec 2005 (UTC)

I found this in the dictionary : Joke n funny activity or story.

Notice it says funny. So it wasn't really a joke, now was it?

Dammit, I wanted to bring up the fact that it's not a joke. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 20:09, 18 Dec 2005 (UTC)

The crux is found[edit]

"Never before in the field of human conflict have so many fought so long over so little."

-Winston Churchill on Euroipods

Carlos the Mean, moderate among the anti-EuroIpod Separatists, snuck behind enemy lines and attempted to negotiate a peace deal without Nintendorulez's knowledge. He met secretly on the bottom of the page with MrJimmy, a moderate among the pro-EuroIpodist occupiers to try to reach some kind of middle ground. It was a historic meet that would end the long battle over whether Euroipods were funny or not.

And now the trilling conclusion...

So why was it featured?[edit]

Sorry to bring this all up again, but how can you possibly say the reason was "because we like it" if it was voted strongly against on VFH? Surely that demonstrates that we don't actually like it at all? I mean, what is the point of VFH if not to gauge what we like? And surely this talk page proves that most of us don't like it too... --Carlos the Mean 01:07, 13 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Sorry to thwart your continuing this argument Carl, but quite abviously, "we" does not include you. "We" includes everyone who liked it, and there were people who liked it. So it is written and so it shall be featured.--MrJimmy Journal talk 05:51, 13 Dec 2005 (UTC)
Amen! However, as the complaining has gained shrillness and lost humor (and I figure I've already "won," anyway), I won't be reverting changes to Euroipods anymore. That's right, if someone wants to expand Euroipods, go ahead. Now Nintendorulez can stop paying for psychiatric therapy and maybe buy a brain sense of humor with the extra money. "It's not a joke. It's not a joke. It's not a joke I'm so upset IT'S NOT A JOKE!" --—rc (t) 06:36, 13 Dec 2005 (UTC)
Good. Once this becomes a decent article, we can put this whole thing behind us and pretend it was decent when it was first featured. Then it will no longer be a disgrace to Uncyclopedia. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 19:48, 13 Dec 2005 (UTC)
My point is that we does include me, and everybody in Uncyclopedia, hence the voting. If you just said that 'we' always includes the people that like it, then everything on VFH should automatically be featured... but the point is, Uncyclopedia (or at least VFH) is democratic and this was outvoted as a featureable article. I just think whoever's responsible should admit that they're wrong, because otherwise I can see the admins continuing to do things just because they like it, and not adhering to the wiki spirit. --Carlos the Mean 00:30, 14 Dec 2005 (UTC)
I was responsible. I don't admit that I was wrong. I admit to doing something that amused some people, ticked off some others, and resulted in a fairly hilarious talk page - all the result of less than a day of featurization. I also believe that it was done in the Uncyclopedia spirit. Heaven forbid the admins do something unexpected/undemocratic that doesn't even affect the users aside from making them divert their eyes from a little box on the front page for a few hours. --—rc (t) 01:44, 14 Dec 2005 (UTC)
So were you just acting randomly, or were you taking the piss out of the stupid stuff people people vote to be featured sometimes? Because I know people do elect some pretty stupid stuff. (AAAAAAAAA!)
Unlike Euroipods, AAAAAAAAA! had an actual democratic route to featured article and theme of the day. Mostly due to the wonderful efforts of an AOL vandal to try to vandalize it, giving it overwhelming anti-vandal sympathy and community support. Heh heh heh. --Splaka 23:10, 19 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Moral of the Story[edit]

If you get rcmurphy on your side you cannot lose cuz hes god and everyone knows it so bow now or be yelled at and embaressed for the rest of your life.(like nintendorulez) -- 02:19, 27 Dec 2005 (UTC)(Tompkins)

That is correct, good sir. --—rc (t) 02:22, 27 Dec 2005 (UTC)
Nintendorulez returns from his successful campaign.

The Conflict Still Continues[edit]

It was thought that all major warring was over, but such appeared not to be the case. Two templates lay at the bottom of the article:

Obviously, they were in confliction with each other. As such, Nintendorulez removed the latter template. Flammable accused him of vandalism and banned him. The conflict was debated over IRC, but the ban remained intact until V-Day, when the admins declared "victory".

Nintendorulez and the Last Crusade: The Aftermath[edit]

When the dust cleared, the successful crusade has been listed among Nintendorulez's greatest accomplishments, though the crusade suffered the problems of most crusades, in that the original intent was lost and friends got caught in the crossfire on the way to a questionable victory. Like all ideological battles, this one continued long, long, long after it was won. The conflict has been fictionalized in the Chronicles of Narnia.

See Also[edit]