Epic Legends of the Hierarchs: The Elemenstor Saga

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“The only modern fantasy franchise that can truly be considered epic. I hate lies, and love truth! Honest! That has been my policy since 1672, when I was apprenticed to a sorcerer in Prussia.”

~ Tycho Brahe on Epic Legends of the Hierarchs

“If I wanted a battle, there's no way I'd want it to be Legendary or Heirarchial. Just smooth and elegant. I'm fucking pimp on this dude's shit”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Elemenstor Saga

Epic Legends of the Hierarchs: The Elemenstor Saga is a fantasy franchise consisting of 13 core novels, a CCG (Elemenstor Battles), an American sunday morning cartoon series (The Wizbits), a line of pulp novellas (ElemenstorLance), a Japanese anime, and variety of other media and marketing tye-ins.

The largest collection of internet Elemenstormers can be found at http://elothtes.pbwiki.com

The core of the franchise is the seminal work "The Elemenstor Cycle", the 13 novel series written by the critically acknowledged author Tycho Brahe. The work has inspired a diverse and varied set of "rip-off" Johnny-come-lately fantasy worlds such as The Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons, and Magic: The Gathering.

Like many prominent authors, Tycho Brahe is influenced by his religion. The principal edicts of Pastafarianism are evident throughout his collected works. Some Pastafarians have denounced Brahe's works because he follows the Moominist sect.

ELotH:TES is perhaps most notable for being the only major fantasy franchise to be produced primarily in the country of Jordan.

A rumoured Epic Legends movie is supposed to star Bruce Campbell, who plays the part of Harbinger Portent.

Lore of ELotH:TES[edit]

Harbinger Portent, The Unsunderer, bringer forth of powers heretofore unknown, sole manifestor of Elemanifestations, tamer of Ginormous Soul, the recalcitrant, wise and undebatable hero, discovered the Starborn Gem – or, one could say, the sentient jewel discovered him. The markings upon it must have been in the ancient language of stars themselves, because even as a Harbinger – a largely ascetic group for whom learning and prophecy made up the day’s work – he had never seen such strange symbols.

There may be too much about Elemenstors and the secrets of High Elemenstation to cover in a simple article, let alone the perversions of Char Reyarteb that led to the three twisted facets of Dark Elemenstation – Blood, Unlight, and The Unspeakable. But we can cover the basics.

Understand first that what we know and love of The Elemenstor Cycle and the tribulations of the world called Battal account for only roughly twenty thousand years of time. your mom Supplemental materials and expansions brought the valor of the Magic Sword Kings and described the origins of the savage War Men; none of that material was in the original CCG. While the secrets of High Elemenstation were revealed by the Starborn Gem, this knowledge would not be codified for millennia into something most people could learn.

In the Cerulean Citadel, a daunting structure that occupies the entirety of Mont Elim (see also: Mount Wor), one Grand Elemenstor of each cardinal element – Earth, Air, Fire, and Water – teaches those with the gift, or “knack,” for this exhausting discipline. Reordering the universe, after all, is hard work. (It is speculated that a fifth element, Heart, exists, but the question remains why one would want to devote themselves to this field of study.)

In any case, each prospective High Elemenstor is asked to bring something to their final test that they would like to become their familiar or Furniliar. Each Grand Elemenstor has a crystal of perfect rubian in his or her Santorum (see also The Wizbits) that imbues in inanimate objects the life of a wandering Elemanifestation, transforming them into companions for the budding Elemenstors, just as Harbinger Portent’s own crystal gem once did. Each of these gems is said to be one fifth the size of the Starborn Gem itself. Even though students are taught the techniques of Transchanting it is against school rules for them to create their own Furniliars.