End of History

The End of History was a theory proposed by one-man right-wing neo-con think-tank, Francis Fuckyomuma Fukuyama, in his book The End of History and the Last Man.

Controversially, he argued that the end of the Cold War meant the end of human progress, and that Liberal Democratic Capitalism was inevitably going to spread across the world. There were a number of issues with this theory, but most prominent was the fact that it was absurdly stupid. Some have argued that he only wrote it because he knew it would mean his name would get discussed in schools, colleges and universities around the world, and he would subsequently end up as part of the Project for a New American Century, which was similarly stupid.

A notable criticism of the theory is that it was written at a time when Fukuyama didn't realise places other than America existed. This is supported by the fact that Fukuyama's entire knowledge of political history was drawn from a map found at the bottom of a Happy Meal.

Other, harsher critics have suggested that the work was part of the wider plan by prominent neo-conservatives to ruthlessly expand the American empire following the collapse of Communism, by portraying imaginary enemies, such as Islamic terrorists, as being more powerful than they really are and hanging on to a flimsy ideology that will inevitably give way to Democratic Capitalism, and thus present America as a benevolent superpower fulfilling an inevitable historical process. Fukuyama's response to these critics, however, can be condensed to:

• These people are against us, and therefore pro-terrorist.
• They hate our freedoms.
• They want to destroy democracy.
• We were never at war with Eurasia.

This response was written by Fukuyama in his 1999 follow up to The End of History and the Last Man, entitled You Get Paid to Write Any Old Shit in this Country.

The end of history will be succeeded by AWESOME history. (has more cowbell)