Dido (singer)
| “ | Rise up from my bones, avenging spirit.... | ” |
“I thought they were extinct?”
Dido, born Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armitage Shanks, but commonly referred to as "Dildo" not because of the similarity in spelling but more because of the fact that they are both pleasurable to engage with but very ugly and have a sinister tone about them. Dido was born on Christmas Day 1971 (at least, we think so) in London, England where as a child she leaned to bore people to death with her so called "music". Then something truly astonishing happened and somebody "obviously deaf and blind at the time" gave her a record deal. Dido's brother, Fido starred in a "7-Up" advertising campaign in the 90's and then returned as the face of the lemon & lime flavoured beverage in 2006.
Career[edit]
After receiving her record deal Dildo went on to become one of those artists that you either hate or hate. She released her first record, "No Angel" when it was recalled and given the more saucy title "Hoe Angel" perfectly portraying Dildo. Dildo quoted "At first we were saying it was a good title until one of those retards who signed my record deal said we should try something more controversial and rename it "Hoe Angel" which, to me holds no controversy. It's just the truth". After Hoe Angel sold a fair amount of copies (mostly to emos and corpses) Dildo decided to torture the world yet again with another album.
| “ | I take in my hands, all that I have marked my territory on.... | ” |
I'm For Rent (One Night Only) was released in 2003. The lead single was "Dry Hag" which depicts Dido perfectly yet again. It's always about her. The track's video featured David Boreanaz who quite clearly received a blowjob from Dildo as payment. The album went on to sell more copies than her debut Hoe Angel. It is assumed it was purchased by the few emos who had not committed suicide after listening to her first album and the corpes that had not yet biodegraded. Although it is not know where Dildo is at the moment it is likely, no matter how bad a condition she is in. She will manage to depress the world again with album number 3. We should be so lucky.
Personal Life (or lack there of...)[edit]
Dido admitted that music school was not for her in her late teens so she became a thief and stole several items related to music including a recorder from school and Alanis Morisette's virginity. Although Dido has had a few boyfriends, including Rafael Andres Unger-Hamilton (2002–3), Rodney Webber (2004), and Sol Campbell (2004) it is not yet known if these sexual relationships were consensual (on the male's behalf). After all that Dido is one forceful lady. After having seemingly no luck with men Dido decided to try an alternative, more lesbianic route. Understandably this didn't work out either due to her lack of personality. Little is known of Dido nowadays although it is rumored she is now living in exile among the mole people who are also becoming increasingly sick of her presence.
Discography[edit]
- Hoe Angel
- I'm For Rent (One Night Only)
- Safe trip to who knows where
- Electronica, bay-bay!!
Singles[edit]
- Skank featuring Eminem
- Here With Me
- Spank U
- My Muschi Is Ready For Some Major Action
- Cunt Whore
- All You Flaunt
- Butter My Ass Crack
- Don't Tickle Me Elmo
- Lick My Puss
- My Lover's Gone
- I Crave For Your Cock
- Dry Hag
- Di(l)do Me One More Time
- I'm For Rent (One Night Only)
- Ready For Your Dick
- I Have Beautiful Nipples
Fun Facts[edit]
- Made out with Alanis Morissette
- Her makeout session with Alanis turned naughty
- Loves Asian cock
- Had a fling with Bigfoot (he hasn't been seen since).....the search continues, watch this space...
- Enjoys the taste of testosterone supplements but claims she's only a social testosterone taker