Citrus rock
|
It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality. | ||
Citrus rock is a subset of food rock. It is musical genre pioneered by the band Led Zeppelin, with their songs The Lemon Song and Tangerine. Their Going to California is included in the genre because of its obvious reference to grapefruit and the Citrus State Park. Citrus Rock is notorious in that the only way to be successful in the genre is to sacrifice virgin bassists (read: bassists) to the Kumquat God. This is because the Kumquat God is jealous of fruits such as lemons and oranges, and will thwart their fame unless he receives sacrifices.
Citrus Rock, while dangerous to dabble in, can be very rewarding, as groupies love the possible connotations of a lemon or a tangerine.
History[edit]
Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton of Led Zeppelin were wandering through the misty forests when they came upon a mystical lemon tree, radiating lemon-ness. They had to climb a long stairway to get to it, so they wrote Stairway to Heaven, a common sea shanty, to pass the time. Halfway up the stairway, Jimi and Eric got tired of Stairway and got into a fight. Jimi was about to toss Eric down the stairs when the Kumquat God descended on them and told them that there was a higher music beyond sea shanties. Eric was so enchanted that he fell down the stairs anyway. Jimi asked the Kumquat God if he could have another partner, because he couldn't make music on his own. The God reached into the dirt around the lemon tree and created Robert Plant. Together, Robert and Jimi created the blues. The Kumquat God was not satisfied. He spoke to the two travellers: "How can you disrespect me this way? I bestow on you my citrusy goodness, and all you can do is create an art form that's the direct opposite of my yellow-orange color?" In a thunderbolt, the Kumquat disappeared.
Robert and Jimi just shrugged, and continued to climb the staircase and writing a repertoire for future pop star James Brown.
Well, on the fortieth day, Robert and Jimi finally reached the fabled lemon tree, and a great gong crashed. A mustachio'd drummer was holding the mallet, and was ready to strike it again. This was John Bonham, The Zeppelin's future drummer. The gong shook something loose in Robert's brain, and he discovered moaning. So he moaned a lemon prayer to the Kumquat God and the mystical tree, while John and Jimi wrote The Lemon Song around it, and the complex bassline the tree was emitting.
Other artists involved[edit]
Other artists, such as Robert Johnson and Syd Barrett, have dabbled in Citrus Rock, but never found as much success in it as Led Zeppelin, because they didn't love the sour fruits enough.