Braddock Heights, Maryland
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Braddock Heights is the home of the Snallygaster, the Dewayo, and other mysterious creatures. These creatures have lived on the mountain for over a hundred years and prey on the innocents below.
Braddock Heights is also home to a large population of 40-year old white parents, who are naturally drawn to old houses like the ones throughout the town.
History[edit]
Early origins[edit]
The name "Braddock Heights" comes from the British general Edward Braddock, who in the 1750s marched his men over the mountain and off a cliff to their deaths, which is why downtown Middletown has multiple cemeteries. Years later, the cliff where Braddock fell to his death became a popular tourist attraction and place to commit suicide, further increasing the load on Middletown's cemeteries. Finally, Middletown issued a law banning the use of the cliff as a tool for suicide, but people began jumping off the cliff as an act of protest. The ban was repealed and the cliff continues to be used for suicide, but now people get hit by cars before they can jump off the cliff.
Development into a Jurassic Park ripoff[edit]
In 1896 the evil corporation Potomac Edison purchased the area, and began building a massive facility with hotels, offices, rollercoasters, and pre-built suicide spots, known as Satanic Park. The main attraction, however, was several insane creatures bred for entertainment. The two main ones were the Snallygaster and the Dewayo. Every day, they would be placed in a pen to fight, and a local group of men in pointed hats provided them African-Americans to eat. But one day, the Snallygaster broke out and began to rape the entire town. No, this isn't a ripoff of Jurassic Park, that movie was made 100 years after this happened, they're a ripoff of my story!
Decline[edit]
Eventually the President was called in to deal with the threat, but he was killed and replaced with a stuffed mock-up. Slowly people began to leave. The Potomac Edison decided the town was "unprofitable" and tried to burn all the evidence. While many buildings were destroyed some remain, including the most boring water slide in the world and the Church of Low-Hangers. Sometimes, the former residents return to their old homes for family reunions, because they're so old they expect themselves to die in a few days anyway. But, in recent years, there have been attempts by 30 year old white people to fix up the homes, because that's what they do. After a fearsome battle they were fought off, and they decided to make shitty modern homes in the foothills.
Demographics[edit]
Braddock Heights is home to about 500 white liberals, there are about 250 old people who like to come back every Memorial Day, and of course there is the Snallygaster, the Dewayo, and the entire X-Files cast. After the great upheaval the remaining African-American population, already prepared for slaughter, was eaten. However, all the pointy-headed weirdos were also killed.