Why?:Is She Taking So God Damn Long in the Bathroom?

It takes a lot of work to maintain such perfect hair, you know.

Now, let's see. Which house is hers? Ah, there it is. Yes, ok, I'm pulling in the driveway. Just let me check my hair... Looks good, now I just have to go up to the front door and get her. Calm, cool, collected. Calm, cool, collected. Calm, cool-- Hello, Mrs. Smith! I'm here to pick up your daughter. Oh? She's still getting ready? Ok, just tell her I'm waiting down in the car, then. Thank you. Ok, ok, so I'm still good, just have to wait for her to come. All right, check my hair again... Looks good. All right, ok... I'm good... Calm, cool, collected. Calm, cool, collected. Do de do de dum... Hmm... Why is she taking so long?

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Maybe she's just fixing her hair

Yes, that's it, I bet she's just making sure she looks her best for our date. Just like I do. It's not like we're in a rush or anything... There's still five hours before the restaurant closes. I guess I'll just read a magazine while I'm waiting. Now, let's see... Cosmopolitan? No... People? Nope... Ah, here we go. Newsweek. Let's see what that redneck is up to now... Heh heh... Oh, George, when will you learn? Oh, here's an article on Osama. What's that douchebag doing this time? Hmm... Eh, looks like he blew up another building. Too bad. Hm... Wow, it's been fifteen minutes. What the hell is she god damn well doing in there?

Maybe she's just brushing her teeth

Can't say I blame her. How embarrassing would that be, to go on a date with something in your teeth! Oh, that would be terrible. I'll just let her finish, then. Hopefully she'll come out soon enough. Let's see, how about some music? Where's that iPod got to? Here it is. Hmm... Here we are. Iron Maiden. Sweet. Just plug that in here... Aaaaand, here we g--

COVERED IN SINNERS AND

DRIPPING WITH GUILT

MAKING YOU MONEY FROM SLIME

AND FROM FI--

FUCK! TURN IT DOWN!! AAGGHHHHH!

Shit! That scared me! I hope they didn't hear that in the house... Speaking of which, Where the fuck is she??

Maybe she's ditching me for some other guy!

Just because he's so much better looking than me doesn't mean she has the right to cheat!

That slut! That dirty fucking slut! I should have known she was cheating on me! I should have seen the signs when she spilled her cup of fruit punch on me at that one party! God dammit! I bet you I know who she's seeing, too! I bet she's seeing that blond guy from Algebra II! She was always flirting with him, and I never saw it coming! Fucking whore! You know what? I'm going to march right up to that house right now, and tell that bitch off to her face! Yeah! That's exactly what I'm going to do! Fucking bitch!

Wait, the door is opening

The door just opened... And someone's coming out! It's her! She finally came! I knew it! I knew I never should have doubted her! Oh, I knew she was faithful! How could I be such an asshole, thinking that she was with that blond guy? He's not her type anyway. I should have known all along that she had eyes only for me! This night is going to be the best I've ever had!

Wait, what's that?

*Rolls down the window*

What did you say, sweets?

What?

We're through? Why??

There's someone else? Who the fuck is it??

Who?

That blond guy from Algebra II?

...

Well, this is awkward, isn't it?