Wheeling Jesuit University/Groups/Office of Kulpability

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The Office of Kulpability was created in 2005 for the stated purpose of "streamlining operations" in Wheeling Jesuit University. The Office of Kulpability is divided into two subdivisions: the Office of Approval and the Department for the Reduction of Paperwork.

The Office of Kulpability is located 1.4 miles below Swint Hall, accessible through an underground waterway whose ferry runs once every 12 hours.


As part of his regime, El Presidente demanded that university communications be more efficient. As such, he felt that creating a new layer of bureaucracy would be the correct way to aid this goal. El Presidente was also wary of students' habits of putting flyers around campus that could say any number of things. If let out of hand, it became apparent to El Presidente that, sooner or later, those flyers would become dangerous to the regime. A check was needed to put those fears to rest.

More simply, the Office of Kulpability's goals are:

  • To protect students from falsities and misinformation that could theoretically be dispensed through inappropriate flyers.
  • To make efficient the channel of communication between students and the administration.
  • To consume significant quantities of doughnuts with delicious jam filling.

Reports say that at least one of those three stated goals are fulfilled during the bimonthly review sessions.


The Office of Approval[edit]

The Office of Approval concentrates on fulfilling proposition 1. This subdivision thus has the important job of individually examining each flyer before it is put up. A flyer should be submitted at least eight weeks prior to the time the individual or group wishes to see it go up, so that the office has enough time to examine the flyer. A panel of experts is called to read the flyer in question; each of the five investigators reads the flyer independently and votes either for approval or denial of the flyer. A perfect vote is needed for the flyer to pass inspection.

If the flyer fails inspection, it is immediately destroyed, and the student or organisation that submitted the flyer is liquidated. In this way, the students feel safer and more secure, knowing that their virgin minds were not polluted by counter-revolutionary filth.

If the flyer passes inspection, a very important person stamps the flyer and signs his approval. This signature marks official approval from the Office of Kulpability as a whole.

The Department for the Reduction of Paperwork[edit]

The Department for the Reduction of Paperwork serves to aid the university by helping it to be more efficient and more cost-effective by cutting down on the amount of printed matter to be distributed to the students. One of the department's major accomplishments was eliminating the hassle of printing transcripts for the students, decreasing photocopying fees by 0.073%.

The Department for the Reduction of Paperwork works towards "trimming the fat" on printing costs. For this reason, the department demands that every printed item be triplicated, so that the department can have two copies for reference. The department then examines the copies and writes detailed reports on every item received - these impressive reports may be up to 40 pages in length. Each of those reports is copied for each administrator so that they may review the effectiveness on the printed item in question. If the administration decides that the printed item is unnecessary, then the Department for the Reduction of Paperwork has done its job, and the relevant parties are told to not make such copies again.

The general public has begged the Council of Light to declare war against the Department for the Reduction of Paperwork, but they have unanimously decided that such an action would be an utter waste of time.

See Also[edit]