Wheeling Jesuit University/Buildings/Acker Wind Tunnel

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The Acker Wind Tunnel is an inadvertent torture device designed to divide the Wheeling Jesuit University student population between those who are weak and those who are capable of survivng prolonged exposure to sub-zero temperatures. It may also be a stargate that leads to alternate dimensions, although this is unconfirmed.


Originally thought of by Emo-Hitler as a way to devise the perfect aerodymanic co-efficient per mass. Unfortunately he has no clue of what the terminology meant. Instead he used it to effectively destroy the people’s will for self expression by giving them the modest gift of the Beetle. This also proved to be disastrous because the cost of building such a powerful machine meant that he would have to sell 100 cars, which we all know was impossible.

During the lebensraum Emo-Hitler realized that this magnificent machine could, in fact, be used as a weapon. This was mainly due to the 300 kph speed winds that were generated from the occult powers inside of the machine. The occult powers were a combination of the Dark Dragon Blade, Glitter (only the dvd enhanced version oddly enough), and a 3 week old can of Natty Light. This was actually found out on accident when Ryu Hayabusa accidentally slept with three freshman girls and made a very daunting tour of duty in 5th Ignatius (His ninja skills lead him to safety and only 5 STDs).

The bold Fed Acker Huang along with the most powerful El Presidente made a secret coup against Emo-Hitler. This was only made possible because of Lundius Superbus’s most intimate relations (aka j00 gold exchange) with Mecha-Stalin. Otherwise Emo-Hitler would have been crushed and angsty. The coup was successful in achieving the machine, killing emo people, and of course relocating “donations” to the Wheeling Jesuit community.

Fed Acker Huang used his mental prowess along with divine intervention to be the first to lay hands on the machine. And this of course meant that it should be named after him along with a very expensive domus aurea that should be paid off in 3281 A.D. After this the alliance broke, all three parties soon became very bitter and hate filled (or in this case, more so). The triple entente alliance they held was only used to dupe emo-hitler and Mecha-Stalin in order for the true power of the Acker Wind Tunnel.


The Acker Wind Tunnel is cleverly hidden in the three main sections. The Acker Science Center houses Glitter, The Acker Bridge controls the power of a 3 week old can of Natty Light, and Donahue is protecting the Dark Dragon Blade.

Due to the buildings that surround the objects, the wind tunnel is only capable of 80-100 mph winds these days. The residual power though can be felt through the entire campus. The Acker Wind Tunnel is mainly used to snap the will of those wanting decent Parkhurst “food” and services. As of current date, the Acker Wind Tunnel has only killed 3 and severely annoyed the piss out of many.