Uncyclopedia talk:Legal Department

unLEGALpedia

Well, go ahead and say something

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(new messages on bottom)

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Fairly important bit

I put this on top of the page since this is how the Legal Dept. must be organised (had a chat with Mordillo), not to confuse members who join later.

• The Legal templates are not maintenance templates, and not even semi-maintenance.
• they are a joke to be used sparingly and only when you can connect them with some joke to the article. My personal preference is not to put them on good articles without asking the author, and never on an article that has been featured on front page. A typo-ridden article with worn-out jokes is fair game in my opinion, but even then the template should have something to connect it to the article.
• The actual content of UnLegal will be a collection of laws, statutes, other legal stuff like that (see under "What to do" -header for possible ideas)
• The templates should be kept fairly small so that they only contain a summons or such, with a link or so to a subpage of Uncyclopedia Legal Department, or why not the Uncyclopedia Legal Department main page if it suits your idea.
• I will also change the templates I already have slapped on articles so that they don't contain as much text, and only serve as summons to a subpage of UnLegal. I will link the articles here, for you to see how this works.

Zana - please change the default template so that it doesn't link articles on the UnLegal page any more. As it is now, it seems as if it's maintenance or semi-maintenance. Leave me a few hours to change my templates before changing the default template - I won't do it right now. In fact I'll leave a note on your talk page when I'm done. OR - and this is probably better - make the templates in the following chapter so that they don't add the article to the Category:UnLegal. Then we can leave the template we now have as it is.

More templates: now there is the default. What if there were templates SUMMONS, NOTICE, something like EVICTION (or how is it done), SUBPOENA, AFFIDAVIT, what else is there. All with a legal header, space for a bit of text. No footnotes needed, I suppose, since the actual legal stuff will be on the subpages of Uncyclopedia Legal Department. The "SUMMONS"-template, for instance, could have a header that cannot be changed, space for a line of text where the link can be added too, and some legal logo - much like the member template is, for instance. -- Style  Guide 12:45, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

Mordillo also has an idea with mock trials which will be good content.

If someone is interested in knowing what the use of the dept. is, it is of course to play a joke on law. The templates on some articles, with taste, connected to the article subject matter in some way, will simply lead the reader to the Legal Dept. That's why the content on the Department pages and subpages needs to be GIANT TITS!!!! as good as possible. Not a good idea to let someone know there's a joke there somewhere and then disappoint them. -- Style  Guide 13:23, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

OK - I'm advancing in spurts here, so please forgive me if it's a bit messy, the whole idea. However, here's what I would like done, in practice: see Accident or Ian Brown for a template that has been put on an article for an added joke. The template then links to a subpage of Uncyclopedia Legal Department. Now then: the initial template the reader sees on an article could be even a bit smaller than what it is now, so as not to clutter the article. The template in the other end of the link could be just like it is now. Zana - if you will make the templates SUMMONS and so forth, you could leave the default template as it is now, since it won't be used on other articles than UnLegal subpages. What would be great though: if there was a button to push in the initial template (the one on the article) saying "details" or so, and the user of the template could link the subpage to the button.

Anyway, now you have the idea:

• template on an article ->
• link ->
• some content (whatever you want to say about the article subject or other thing related to the article) in another template on an Uncyclopedia Legal Department subpage.

-- Style  Guide 14:47, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

OK I will

Going to be a lot of work with rulings and such - if you know others who like that sort of thing please invite them. I'm not too good with the terminology. What I wrote is just something to keep the subject warm in my mind. -- Style  Guide 09:37, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Dump for ideas

I didn't know if you wanted to set this up in your userpage so I did it in mine. Whoremonal helps with this. The dump outlines my original idea and some other things. I think you got the idea of an easily convertible template since it should be more varied than for instance This article needs love etc. Well in fact the main thing is you can write whatever you like into it. Good to be working on this with you. I asked Whoremonal write the intro and stuff since he has an actual degree in law and I've only been stealing carrots. -- Style  Guide 10:52, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

The member Template could have space for the title, what whoever come up with - like I thought I would be Chief Advisor in Criminal Activities. -- Style  Guide 11:06, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Mordillo's comment on the template usage

"Sounds like fun, but we need to keep that in the joking area rather than change it into a proper maintenance templates that we use already."

I agree with that since another maintenance template would do nothing special - and also I originally thought of it as an additional joke. -- Style  Guide 13:56, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Templates are under construction...

Okay, here's the first draft (actually, this seems to show the current draft WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio}):

A Note From the Uncyclopedia Legal Department The legal status of the page will stay in effect until such time as the de jure person or persons of current habeas corpus have filed their affidavits zum Beispiel. The Department has, by the power it has vested in itself, declared this template solely for its own use, as specified in Statute 32: "On UnLegal template usage under Statute 32."

 –      (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 07:58, 2 December 2009

About the Potato template

I have an idea on the composition: the potato cuts through the frame, which is good. What if you slighly tilted it so it looks a bit more like it were slipping? I mean so that the scales slants a bit to the left? I don't know how much or if it is a good idea - but try if it seems good to you. -- Style  Guide 10:37, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

I took the law in my own legal hands...

...and added the template to UN:LEGAL to have something there until the page actually is ready. I'll think of some more text, probably sporkage will help there. I think the member list would look spiffy in a similar box the template has. Oh yes and I keep getting ideas about the Note template. The potato bit is perfect but what do you think if the frame it bursts through were a bit more forceful? I seem to remember official-looking documents have some double frame or so. This is totally nitpicking, ignore this if you think it's good now. -- Style  Guide 07:11, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

This here document[1] has the look I mean. -- Style  Guide 07:17, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

Now what do I do?

I signed up for this illegally because at first I didn't find the sign up page, now signed up legally. I mostly like the text and graphics and stuff. But now that I'm signed up, what the hell do I do? (In other words, is this a joke, another way of doing ICU, or what?) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:10, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

And if it's serious, I think the template could use details about the author fixing the article. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:12, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Woah. The template changed right as I was making the post below. Scary. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:16, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Also I personally would like it better if the potato were inside this box, or it the box were eliminated altogether. I like the legal things looking nearly official, but just slightly off. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:14, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you so much for signing up! As the Department is still in its infancy, we will be adding more bells and whistles soon. Different templates, as in: first draft of templates. The department will be 'official' on January 6, 2010, as said in the proclamation. In the meantime, I appreciate you wanting to contribute to the department. I am taking all the constructive input I am getting from individuals and making the necessary changes to our current set of templates, and once those are final I will start to create new ones.

Do you have any ideas about something this website is lacking? Want to negotiate or initiate a plan of action as to how to make this website the best (and funniest) it can possibly be? Let us know, this is the place! We take LEGAL ACTION to achieve our goals in a timely fashion. (Writes, rewrites, maitenance, etc.) We abuse our power and make it happen, just like our forefathers! Cheers, and thanks again!  –      (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 20:08, 5 December 2009

PS: The potato is there to remind you to stay inside the lines (or not).

I know about the potato--I'm one of her priest-rabbis, you know. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 06:00, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

I liked the version of the template above that specified more what it was for--the one that popped up at about 19:14, December 5, 2009 (UTC). It had information, and even had a seemingly sincere warning about appearing in court, but the link was to the article joke, or something like that. I like that idea of "We are very serious, but not as serious as we sound, but yet we are serious."

Personally, I would like the legal department to be a tongue-in-cheek means of saying articles need rewriting, or of telling someone to knock off what they're doing without actually doing that (I know policy is that obvious vandals such as page blankers need stern measures such as being blocked, but I mean those things that are borderline, things where the editor might genuinely have thought it would be funny only us Unc types wouldn't be amused.) Sometimes I think a little power goes into some editors' heads, and the rudeness that results can mean losing otherwise productive users (I've only been here for three months and I've already seen it more than once). Some people here seem ready to "assume bad faith" instead of "assuming good faith." I think correction that's obviously sincere but also obviously exaggerated, such as a legal department would provide, would work very well. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 06:11, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

I think many would like that. I almost disagree - one of the jokes to me is that while the language looks impressive, there's nothing much behind it. Of course, I'm just an adviser in criminal activities law and extortion, so my opinion is just an opinion just like mens sana in corpore sano yours et cetera. -- Style  Guide 06:26, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

Frankly, I see no problem with that either. I signed up just because I thought it looked cool, and then asked what it was for. That's very rare for me, but I was amused. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 06:50, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

So, I signed up for this illegally because at first I didn't find the sign up page, now signed up legally. I followed my base directive of "shoot do first and ask questions later." I mostly like the text and graphics and stuff and junk. But now that I'm signed up, what the hell do I do? Should I contribute a bell (or whistle) or chip in $2.95 for someone else to do it? Do I need to order some fancy paper for the legal documents I'll be creating? Can I have a drudge or wench for Pro bono publico work? Does Unpsych provide me with business cards, and do I get to pick out my own stationary? And, um, oh yeah, where is the official sign up page anyway?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  08:46, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

Happytimes - here's a trajectory you might want to launch yourself on:

• build some pages in your userspace. Contents: legal-looking stuff. You might want to see how the Proclamation has been constructed and go on that to make it look impressive.
• proclaim in the document that by the power vested in you in the funcion of the this-and-that of the Legal Department you have reason to suspect so-and-so on these-and-these grounds, wherefore such-and-such is going to happen (all in complicated legalese). You can link to another page of yours that contains details nobody can really make out. They might even have some content but make sure they are not readily understandable.
• drop a template on a bad article, one that says what the default template says, more or less, and add a comment in its footnote saying: "You must read this if you have complaints (only, in legalese, of course)". Then link the "this" of it to your user page of utterly legal gibberish. Should be loads of fun, and if not that, at least legal!

-- Style  Guide 09:00, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

Ok, I will do that, provided my general laziness and lack of time (and utter lack of legal knowledge) prevent me from doing so. This is a good rough draft I think: User:Happytimes/Legal Department, I may need some help on the mumbo jumbo though.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  11:51, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

What to do:

OK, Mn-z and Happytimes gave me this idea for how the Legal Dept. could function. And first, thanks Mn-z for forcing me to think a bit further, and sorry for arguing in such a nasty tone. I'm serious too, not being sarcastic. Or gay (well I am but you didn't convert me now, it's an old story). *keep the templates brief when the article itself doesn't warrant a long version - i.e. if the author of the template can come up with a reasonably good joke to play on that specific article you should do it. See the ones I've dropped (you find the articles on the category page) for possible ideas. there's an update on this. *use the footnote on the template to link to a subpage (there could and should be several) under the Legal Department main page. Of course, the text in the footnote should be somethig like "The defendant is advised to refer to (legal terms, latin phrases) here", the here being the subpage. Or something to that effect. also been updated

• these subpages contain legalese. Anyone can, and should, create and edit these subpages since if the link always goes to the same subpage it gets old in five minutes.
• there should be a "legal library" of sorts, one that can then be linked to the subpages. Maybe just one opus, maybe several. Probably several since the subject is such a vast one there can be literally thousands of jokes in many different styles. Some of them can be utter nonsense and surrealistic, others more coherent, containing absurd laws, statutes, paragraphs, sub-paragraphs, pieces of literary evidence, anything the hell you can come up with. There is a lot to do there since there is a law on almost everything men can do.
• also, Zana_Dark seems to want to make more templates. The more subpages we have, the more different templates they will support. This is a perfect chance for malicious imagination to take over. Should be ideal to most of Uncyc users - except for those who cannot spel.
• obvsoluly, spleing is an ingretal prat for the jokke to worl. So be crefuk about it. Of course there can be legal jokes that merit bad spelling, for instance a document that deals with it. Badly spelt latin? Mens NASA in cropore sanå?

Ideas, comments? If there are complaints, those will be dealt with severely, to the most excruciating degree of the law on coitus per anum, as you should have guessed.-- Style  Guide 09:21, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

In practice then...

...the first step, logically is: everyone who wants to participate should start writing legal bullshit in their user spaces. Ideas: well anything, really. It helps if the subject ostensibly has to do with writing or uncyclopedia. Main thing is, as always, that they are funny on some level. You can hide lewd jokes (in latin if possible) and hints at stuff in legalese. You can also just go ahead and blabber your head off in them, as long as it resembles legalese. I wouldn't judge a joke like that on its content but rather more on the execution. If it has both, so much the better.

• another thing to do is start to scribble the laws we "go by". These can be absolutely hilarious, all deadpan, or both at the same time. A good idea (I think) is to give the reader a handle to grasp, then lose him, and give him a cookie once he has plodded to the end of the text. It doesn't matter how those three are achieved - and anyway this is just one idea. You can just as well present him with something he cannot grasp, and include a link to something he can grasp. Like one of the laws. Or you can just as well completely lose him and include a joke on something else. Law is an arse ass.

• the proclamation is an example of what I mean. It was originally sporked somewhere, and I just smote it with my bollockshammer, and steered a bit closer to Uncyclopedia than it originally was. You see how it says nothing, and just in case it did, there's the footnote claiming no responsibility. This is all pretty legal.

• I would go about this with one "rule" only: it all should look be legal. -- Style  Guide 10:24, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

My only bad suggestion at this point is that if the Legal templates are not maintenance templates, and not even semi-maintenance, then we may want to consider putting our notice at the bottom of the page.... or not? Hm,m,m,m,m,m.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  11:51, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Depends on the article. If it is really bad and long, people might not notice the template at all before switching to something else. If the article looks really crappy (I mean obviously, not subjectively - like typos etc.) then the reader fairly quickly gets interested in what the template has to offer, compared to the article. My aim is not only to promote our own jokes but also improve the outlook of the site. On a good article - on which I personally won't use the template at all probably, unless a really good joke can be made - it's different. Put it where you like, where it looks appropriate. Mordillo didn't have huge problems with the couple of samples I showed him, only the size was too large, and that has now been solved. -- Style  Guide 11:55, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

And in any case, the main thing now seems to be to write the other content on the subpages. The templates on articles really should be used sparingly. -- Style  Guide 11:59, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

For those who don't know how to use templates in practice...

...have a look at this: Uncyclopedia_Legal_Department/subpagetest. You see the page header has changed into the header of the second template, although the address stays the same. The first template does nothing to the page besides categorising it. -- Style  Guide 07:08, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Gotta add that the whole procedure looks like a good bit of fun now that the templates are there. I wish I knew some more legalese but I guess I can always wing it like heretowith. -- Style  Guide 07:10, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Link to a list of Latin phrases

This should be a help to all lawyers: [2]. Maybe put a fancier-looking version of it somewhere on the Department main page, for quick sporking? -- Style  Guide 12:09, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Ah, this should help my position to obtain a level ab absurdo that I would not otherwise been able to reach. Thank you very much!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  10:32, December 8, 2009 (UTC)

Great. Here's another link with lots of Latin phrases and translations and such: http://www.yuni.com/library/latin.html WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 17:45, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

An important further bit about template usage

I thought it would be good to add a link back to the articles as in the case of Accident which I just did over. You'll find the "Back to the article" bit below the template on the Dept. subpage. So if you use the same subpage several times, it's best to do it so: Back to the article: Accident instead of Back to the article. I rest my case. -- Style  Guide 12:42, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Zana also axed me how we're going to keep track of the template usage. Isn't there a page for that? Also, if everyone will be good and add the "back to article" links on the subpages, it works. Otherwise, it's the old C.P.A. - bit again. -- Style  Guide 15:27, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Page move?

Shouldn't this be at Uncyclopedia:Legal Department? Rather than in mainspace? It's not an article if it's a user project type thing. I'll probably move it unless there's some reason it's in mainspace rather than uncyclopedia project space. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 02:37, 08 Dec 2009

Can we keep the redirect? I had it at UN:LEGAL but RAHB moved it here.  –      (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 03:31, 8 December 2009

Laws.

In need of a law? Suggest here.

Newb Proposal

UN:LEGAL Legal Department Has happily summoned you to review "The Proposal". "Crede Quia Absurdum Est "

I, User:Happytimes, have been giving this new-fangled Unlegal department some of my best thoughts lately. Some things have come to mind... (Lawyers speak in third person right?) Ahem, ~H~ *CA* lack of orginazation, *CA* no legal dictionary set-up yet, *CA* lack of significant pay for ~H~. See summons if it be to please you.

I did this

Uncyclopedia_Legal_Department/Cases is there now. I wrote the transcript for multi vs happy and put it in the template, which now seems to turn it into a subpage. It seems to me like a good idea to present the session transcript as the final product and put a link to the list page (above) prominently on the Uncyclopedia Legal Department. My idea with this is: the session transcripts will be written more carefully (more carefully than my version is now, too) and the complaints and affidavits are then linked to it. The complaints and affidavits can be whatever slapstick comes to mind. Everyone feel free to help out with the session transcript, I'll do a bit with it myself when I'm in a more legal mood. -- Style  Guide 07:19, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Why I think it's better to present the final court session transcript as the final product: ease of editing. This way we can edit the complaints and affidavits in any way we please, and give the lazy readers a good-looking and (if you PLEASE HELP, <sobs>) maybe also well-written product as the result of those. Then they can read the affidavits and complaints if they have time etc. - but we won't have to go about cleaning the preceding stages to give a good impression with the main product. I rest my case. -- Style  Guide 07:55, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

This needs to maybe be more like a Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization???  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  09:36, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, why not. But however it is formatted, I think the way to write it is like we did:

1. complaint
2. case open, filing of affidavits
3. case closed
4. write the session transcript
5. publish everything, with the session transcript as the main page, or the first to hit the occasional reader's eye anyway.

Maybe there's a better way to order the finished documents than how they are now. I don't know if it matters - other than that the link to the session transcript list should be readily visible on maybe a couple of Department pages, at least when we have a couple of cases more. -- Style  Guide 10:53, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Well sure we could do it like that if you just want to simplify my proposal and stuff.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  04:23, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

It's more or less the same thing, the way I read it, isn't it? So let's just do it whichever way seems to work. When another complaint comes in - if any ever do - I'll try and remember to check out how you propose to continue and do so. Someone always needs to legalize-looking-make-thingy the documents at some point, but the order isn't that important I suppose. The posting of summons is naturally a good step. In fact all of it is - it just depends on the laziness of the solicitor which way the case proceeds. -- Style  Guide 05:57, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

I agree. People ARE lazy... wait, what?

Seriously I can format stuff (& junk) if people ask me to. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  07:04, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

How the fuck do I join

Do I need to sign somewhere and are there requirements?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 10:40, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Go here, just create a block for yourself above mine.^{If you do not know how to add yourself to the list properly, please leave a message here.} If you need help with terms search the Interwebs or look here: http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/lawyer

Requirements: Check out what other members have to say about UNLEGAL in their talk pages (Multilaterist and I have quite a bit to say on it while we were working on the "1st" case starting here) read this page, read this- paying close attention to the works sited which will link you around the "1st" case as well. Um, then add a {{User LD}} userboxen. (Then be sure to promptly pay the invoice for my legal fees when it arrives.)

Non-requirements: Take what I just wrote plus other users comments on Unpsyche law and combine it into something of a guide book, or something. Er, some thing.

P.S. Zana is the one who initiated this project, just to spite Shakespeare, so she may also be a good contact for this, she is the Department Head after all. Cheers.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  05 Jan 2010 ~ 05:57 (UTC)

Responded here.  –      (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 06:05, 5 January 2010

Revival of the U.L.G.

We seriously need to revive it.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:55, December 27, 2010 (UTC)