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Poo Aftermath
- By Chief
We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see.
After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing
this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best in show article rosette was BabyTV, written by the camera-shy Black flamingo11, who was just ecstatic about the win, we assume. Other winners were a noob for their noob article, and Guildensternenstein, who won the Best Alternate Namespace Article with another article; this no longer merits any congratulation as we have come to expect and demand this of him by now.
 The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy.
The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for ruining running the whole thing.
It's all going to end in tears
- By Him again
Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of terrorism drama has once again demonstrated that it is impossible to escape and this time our top scientists believe it could be deployed within 15 minutes to effect each and every one of us. The threat is now so real that Mordillo is thought to be, at this moment, appealing to Wikia for emergency powers to deal with the possible uprising! Repent! The end is nigh! Duck and cover!
No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where the proles non-admins flit from doorway to doorway on stormy nights to write articles in secret, for they know this is when the administrators are surely distracted by dining lavishly on the finest sweetmeats Wikia can buy, all the while chortling about how much fun it is to have all the power. At least that's what Mhaille told our correspondent that Hyperbole was saying (he assured us he was Hyperbole's best friend). Rallied against change are the embittered power mad administrators who cling to power like limpets, notably among this group of despicable despots is the definitive despicable despot Mordillo and despicable definitive despot Rcmurphy.
 Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties.
The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that.
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From our logs:
- 14:19, February 21, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.71.173 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months (God probably has most concern over man's inhumanity to his fellow man than fucking around on a comedy website)
- 07:40, February 21, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.89.143.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY)
- 09:27, February 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 63.228.102.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (You sound lovely, give me a big manly naked hug to celebrate your undeniable loveliness)
- 03:52, February 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (you are banned, fucker!!!!!!!!!)
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| HowTo of the Week (Courtesy POTR)
HowTo:Join the UnSignpost
First we need to get police clearance for you. This requires 100 points of ID. Due to recent regulatory changes this means you will need to post original copies of your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, a copy of a recent bank statement, and any pin numbers you have.
Also, as you are no doubt aware, our editor in chief has had to flee the country due to persecution by his enemies. As an UnSignpost reporter you have to be resourceful so we are entrusting you to help us get the 40 million USD we have managed to hide from his enemies out of the country. This is a matter of life and death, and we are happy to give you 25% of this sum for your assistance. Please, do not tell anyone about this, as we cannot trust anyone with this secret. Send us your bank account details, and place 2,000 USD in the account immediately to cover banking costs.
Oh, and we would like to get an idea of what your health status is, and that of your immediate family. Our doctors are experts in diagnosis via photo recognition, so send us as many photos as possible of yourself and all your family members naked.
Welcome to the team!
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| Word of the week, provided by: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user
Guffaw
Definition:
(Noun) A small but highly vicious breed of Ferret "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Jam and released a massive Guffaw"
OR (less commonly)
(Noun) A boisterous laugh: "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Syrup and released a massive Guffaw"
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Newsroom UnTune of the week
Be Gay
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