Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Cajek/Game:Oliver Twist
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User:Cajek/Game:Oliver Twist[edit]
I got a review from 15Mickey20, and now it's done and ready for a real thorough going over. See all the pages that link to it at Special:Prefixindex/Game:Oliver Twist. Is it VFH or VFD? Thank you for the review, guys. • <04:17 Mar 28, 2008>
| Humour: | 6 | I wanted to give this a higher score, but, even though the article (or whateveritis) is humorous overall, there are few punchlines in the writing itself. I think that it should mostly stay the same as it is now, but with more screwballs thrown in (something that I know you're far more than capable of). I like how the winning option is just thrown in the game, rather than being put in after a big build-up like in most games. It gets kinda weird later in the "game", as the theme turns from Oliver Twist to Jaws, but I suppose that's to be expected of you. The two "failed" endings were both enjoyable, but the BSOD one didn't really fit into the theme of the article very well. I get that it's really a game, but it's not in the same style as most other games are and the fact that it's a game isn't referenced very often so it kind of seems out of place. It actually seems fine with or without it, I'm just pointing out a possible inconsistency. Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier that, on the first page, when the second paragraph starts it should say "You are Oliver Twist, an orphan stuck in..." or some variant rather what's up there now. Because the first paragraph describes a previously released game, the second paragraph should be the start of the game (or a replica thereof) rather than being self-referencing as it is now. |
| Concept: | 9 | You're a lunatic. If I ever end up giving you a concept score lower than 8 I'm going to think there's something seriously wrong. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | Good grammar and spelling, but the otherwise good flow of the game is disrupted during the jaws session, as the options seem to change things up a bit. Not a large problem, but enough to keep from a perfect score. |
| Images: | 8 | I suppose what images you have do their job well, but I think that you could have at least put more effort into them. I think the same picture is repeated for four different pages. Tsk tsk. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | Hey, guess what I'm gonna do? Certainly not average your scores, if that's what you're thinking! Instead, I'm going to give you an 8 because, while this article still isn't perfect, it's quite obviously very close do being done. So there. Nyaaaaaa. |
| Final Score: | 40 | Another well done weird-ass article by our resident Cajek. I really wouldn't expect anything less, and I'm sure this will get featured, maybe even in the state it's currently in. None of the suggestions I made are imminently important (except maybe the need for more punchlines), and this seems damn close to being in its final, presentable stage. So, good luck on VFH, and I hope you get another feature off of this. Can you believe that this is the third article of yours that I've reviewed? You write too much. You need to learn to be a slacker better. |
| Reviewer: | Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 05:29, 28 March 2008 (UTC) | |
| Humour: | 9 | I really enjoyed it. I especially like the "English" accent that it is written in. At times it drifts into Scottish and Shakespeare. Whether intentional or not, it made me laugh. |
| Concept: | 8 | This works well and the repetition of "ask for moh" is an excellent idea. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | No problems here. |
| Images: | 7 | Good images, but could do with a few more. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | (averaged score). There are plenty of ways to go with this. I'd like to see the Soup Nazi idea expanded on, where Oliver's buddies, George and Kramer get involved and maybe convince him to go next door for some non-fat yoghurt. The concept is kind of the same as one of my own articles, but I don't care.
I'd like the Jaws subplot to end with the shark eating Oliver. The sharks then asks for moh. Over here in Britain, there's a talent show looking for an Oliver and a Nancy to star in a West End production of Oliver!. It might be a good idea to reference that, with a "break into song" option, followed by "ask the judges". I'll write it myself if you want, but it would have to wait until after I do my exams at the start of May. |
| Final Score: | 40 | Good stuff |
| Reviewer: | -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey) 14:14, 25 March 2008 (UTC) | |