Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Massacre at Brookfield Zoo (2nd review)
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UnNews:Massacre at Brookfield Zoo[edit]
I'm planning to put this on VFH to honor the conclusion of the Ruffles the Tiger saga, since this is arguably the best article in the series. But before I do so, I'd like this to be pee'd again, just to be sure. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:56, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | The article does have some potential for more slap-stick (or not) violence. Also, you might to add more quotes tiger. In other articles they are funny, but no so much in this one, especially if you haven't read others in the series. Also, remember that the reader might not have read the articles in the series, you might want to add more background information that your "assuming" the reader knows. (This is a common mistake with many writers.) |
| Concept: | 6.5 | First off, I normally don't like unNews articles for some reason. Personally, I didn't find the article that funny. That being said, this article might be able to get featured, I have a wierd and picky sense of humor. Anyway, the quoting environmentalists comes off as a little biased. You might want to tone such references down a little; it might be a good idea, but the execution is giving off an "ugly" feeling. Blatant bias isn't funny, even when your reader agrees with it. You might want to expand the article a bit more, maybe with more descriptions of violence. It might get the bias-y feel down a little bit. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Links, grammar, and spelling look ok. However, the article is a little template heavy, and you have an "orphaned" template at the bottom right creating extra whitespace at the end. Also, the block quote at the end gives off an ugly feel to it. While I thinking about it, you might want to create a sectional template [links template] for the Ruffles the Tiger series, so the reader can find articles in the series. |
| Images: | 6.5 | The images are ok, and both of them are needed by the article. I wouldn't get rid of either of them, unless you happen to come across a better version. However, if you could shoe horn in a image of normally non-violent animal attacking a person, it might improve the "believably" some. Ideally, a cut animal would be probably be the best. I put some potential images below with possible captions. You can find more animal images in Category:Mammal Images and in the articles in Category:Mammals |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | This article is close to being done, and its fairly good. However, I really don't see any easy areas of improvement. Maybe another image or some expansion would help. |
| Final Score: | 32.5 | Are you sure this is the best article in the series? I think the first one UnNews:Tiger quietly plans to devour infant was a bit funnier, although this one may have more potential. Also, you had the same score as you got last time, but I tend to give out lower scores than other reviewers. Reviewers are never consistent on the score, the pee reviews are mainly to offer suggestions on how to improve the article and can't give an accurate gauge of quality. From the comments in the last review, I can tell that you have improved the quality of the article. |
| Reviewer: | --Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 01:49, 29 December 2008 (UTC) | |
The stealing of his bucket was the last straw for this walrus
A seal clubbing a man
A hippo pwning its trainer
A ferret captured in the Man versus Animal war
Giraffe smitting a human
An elephant .2 seconds before attacking an unsuspecting human
Devil squirrel, plotting the downfall of humanity.
Pandas have learned to use Gatling Guns
PWN'd!
Some have suggest Bin Laden was behind the Massacre of Brookfield Zoo
