Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/This or that?
This or that?[edit]
Must have been something I ate. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 19:32, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6.5 | It's possible, as a British Whore, that I'm missing some vital cultural reference here: are this and that referring to actual, specific (famous) people? If not, and if I am indeed on the same wavelength as you, it's kinda worrying that I feel as if I'm missing something. If you actually were referring to someone I don't know of, you can safely ignore that last bit. Otherwise, I think you need to make it a little clearer what the relationship between that (presumably you) and this (the mind boggles - another guy?) is or was.
I'll be blunt here: Until you called this 'him', I thought this was maybe an ex-girlfriend of yours. I then assumed you were a homosexual and this was an ex-boyfriend of yours, until I read the 'faggot' stuff a bit lower down. That was when I got REALLY confused. There's a saying that those who shout loudest about gays probably are a little gay on the inside, but I'm pretty sure that's not the way you intended it to sound? Again, maybe you ARE gay and the faggot stuff was a tongue in cheek thing - calling him 'faggot' whilst being obviously gay yourself would be kinda funny, I guess - in which case you can ignore my last comments too. Whichever way round it is (and I truly mean no offence at all either way), I think maybe you ought to make it clearer? I love the idea of playing with the words this and that. The first section is top-notch. I was expecting more wordplay of the kind found in the first half of the page, since you did it so well at the start. Carry it through to the end a little more, perhaps? The humour tails off a bit towards the bottom of the page, but your headings are fine and the way it's laid out promising. Maybe a bit more of your clever stuff here would mean that the point is a little less laboured by the end? |
| Concept: | 8 | Love the concept. Maybe you could use the words this and that more in your descriptions of this and that (unless it's too confusing for the reader that way?)
Could you perhaps expand the idea to other 'this's' and 'that's' or is that just too shit? (see the double meaning there re that?!) You don't want to end up doing it like this, now do you? Unless, of course, this is what that wanted all along?! You get the idea, I'm sure. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | I fixed a few typo's and tried to get rid of an extra space between two sections. I can't manage it properly either and it's possible I may have accidentally moved one of your pics in the process. If so, sorry! Spelling, grammar etc etc all pretty damn near perfect, well done. |
| Images: | 6.5 | Love the guy in the sweater thing. Not too sure about the humour of the 'No to save America' pic, but again it's possible I'm missing something. The other pic I feel neither way about: could be funnier but does fit ok where it is. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | Could be comedy Gold, this one, without much more work. Good job. |
| Final Score: | 37.5 | Few more laughs, funnier pics (or quotes underneath them) and you'll be laughing. So will your readers with any hope. Nice One. |
| Reviewer: | Codeye 04:16, 19 June 2009 (UTC) | |