Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fremantle Dockers

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Fremantle Dockers

Credman 13:24, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	3	Well, it seems to be that you hate or love this team for some reason or another, and decided to write an article about them. However, there really isn't any punchline. Because you're new, and you obviously spent some time on this, i'll try to give you some advice. First, you can't just deliever false facts- you need to set up a joke in the context, as misinformation with no punchline is too much buck and not enough bang. Second, you get long-winded. Maybe i'm a bit ignorant because i'm American, but i've never heard of any of these people or organizations you're listing off in this article (or the Dockers, for that matter). I recommend you change your style to make it appeal to more than just Australian sports fans.
Concept:	2	As stated above, I had never even heard of the Freemantle dockers up until my reading of this article. Your article assumes that everyone knows who the Dockers are and what you're talking about- that's not a good thing on the English wiki, because we have people from a lot of different countries on here.
Prose and formatting:	3	This is another problem. Thankfully, you avoided lists in your article. However, a few of your sections have no images, which makes it more of a chore to read. I would recommend putting an image or two in "genetic modifications" and "formation".
Images:	2	There's nothing really humorous about the images when you look at them- images like those eke by on the strength of their captions. The problem here is that your captions don't really have any humor in them, which makes the images feel like unnecessary add-ons.
Miscellaneous:	3	Overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	13	Basically, your article is not a useless, incoherent mess like a lot of new users' articles are, but it's not very funny in it's own right. However, there are several things you can do to improve it! First, you need to modify your article so it makes less use of Australian in-jokes and more use of jokes that are widely recognized by English speaking countries- in other words, make your jokes comprehensible to Brits and Americans. Second, you can do 2 things with your image issue: add some more to your long winded sections, or just trim down the fat on them-sections without images look like walls of text, which is unappealing to the reader. Finally, expand your intro a bit- the opening jokes can elevate the article as a whole. Good luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 17:55, 1 May 2009 (UTC)