Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Alberto Gonzales (resub 4)
Alberto Gonzales[edit]
I think so far, this is the best article I've written and it's got pee'd 4 times. Suggestions? -- 20:41, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
I guess I'll put my review above OEJ's. It doesn't mean anything, it's just that AE requested me! CALM DOWN! • <-> Jan 11 (19:09)
| Humour: | 5.5 | avg of each section
Why are you talking about him checking out a book? You skipped around a bit, too. Look at how many times it jumps: "1960, 2007, 1960, 1963". That's kinda confusing. Instead of introducing a random librarian to us, you should just introduce him. Don't be afraid, just introduce him to us. Along with that, introduce the "I Don't Recall" theme to us, too.
The meat of the article is kinda dry, actually. I know who Alberto Gonzalez is, and you explained the situation pretty well. I can't really think of what to add here, and now I'm just wondering why you brought up the overdue library book from 1960 (or whenever) in the introduction... Mr. Gonzalez is not the most exciting person in the news right now.
Hmmm. Just short and bland. Not bad, just not interesting. I don't know what I would add here either!
Some footnotes are good, but some are just clumsy. For example, Footnote #4 is awkward. You could shorten most of these and still get your point across while at the same time making it more of a one liner and not an explanation. |
| Concept: | 6 | Writing an article about a real person is a good idea. However, it's not like he's that interesting to begin with. This article will be an uphill battle, and if (when) you reach the top of the mountain, he may be out of the news completely! Therefore, getting this featured will be difficult. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | I think you did okay here. |
| Images: | 9 | I liked the pictures (and their captions) especially. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.1 | {{Pee|5.5|6|8|9}}
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| Final Score: | 35.6 | I think I would get rid of the "bid for president" section (as I can't really see that going anywhere), and trim the footnotes section, while streamlining the introduction. This is a lot like There except you'll have to slip the "ambiguousness" in under the radar! That's a complicated task in itself, let alone trying to make this boring guy funny. This is an average/above-average article in my opinion, but there's some work to go. Hope I helped, AE! Keep on truckin'! (Ring my bell!) |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Jan 11 (19:30) | |