Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/4chan (exposed)

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4chan_(exposed)

How do I write funny.

Reverse Genocide Cockatrices 02:55, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	6.5	It has funny moments, but I think your overall humour suffers from bad concept, see below, also from lack of originality. I won't divide the criticism into sections because the whole article has the same problem. I think the humour comes from the use of alarmist terms like socialism, destroy your family etc. However, sentence after sentence in this vein does not do well for your effect. Even Fox News is more subtle than you. I suggest you tone them down and/or use them with less frequency, and use a big one at the end of a paragraph like a punch line. I also suggest you spend sometime watching Fox News (or the Daily Show since all they do is make fun of Fox) and take note of the phrases that they use. The thing I like the most are the things in the brackets, those Obama and socialism references. Things that refer to Fox New's arrogance and stupidity are also good. When you get into explaining the memes in 4chan, that is when you are least funny. See concept. I suggest you do away with them or explain them in a mistaken or idiotic way, ie "internets" or "fascination with a blue aquatic pokemon".
Concept:	6	I don't really like the concept of a Fox News report on 4chan. I have a few issues with this, firstly, why Fox News and why 4chan? These two things do not relate to each other at all. Secondly, you can write tons of satirical stuff on these two things separately. If you are simultaneously making fun of FN and 4chan, you would be taking on too much. As a result your article has no direction. Thirdly, I highly doubt FN people are familiar with 4chan. I think they are unlikely to use words like trolls, /b/board and other internet references. The stereotype of FN presenters is that they are aged, conservative men and airheaded, blonde bimbos. I think you should use this and maybe insert painfully awkward or mistaken terms that the presenter(s) would use when referring to 4chan and the internet, maybe in an attempt to appear "cool" with the young people, do you "dig" it? Fourthly, wouldn't it be better as an UnNews?
Prose and formatting:	7	Generally ok. A few missing commas around the place, and some sentences don't flow very well. You should get some places reworded and the whole thing proofread.
Images:	5	They are very troublesome in that you have to click on them to see what is actually being said. I don't know if making them bigger would be a problem for your layout though. I found the batman one very funny, but the asshole in my head tells me it has nothing to do with the point of the article. The atheist one is not so funny, but you can keep it if you want. The paint one looks quite bad.
Miscellaneous:	7	Ok it's not really that bad, it does have some good moments, and it's easy to read.
Final Score:	31.5	My scoring is arbitrary. You don't have to follow my suggestions if you can come up with a better way to solve your problems that I highlighted.
Reviewer:	~ 18:37, Dec 7, 2009