UnScripts:Tech Support Transcript

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The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.

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Here at the Del Armani Call Center. We are determined to bringing you 43% quality assurance when helping you with whatever problem you're having with your computer. We pride ourselves with helping out our customers with the best possible help we can get, we put our customers first over everything else. In fact, we at the Del Armani Call Center would like to present you with a transcript of a guy named Jim who is obviously having trouble starting up his computer. Please note the quality support and friendly assistance you get from us.

Of course my PC is off. Can't you see it?

Agent: Hello. Thank you for calling Technical Support. My name is Varun, how may I help you today?
Jim: Hi, this is Jim. My computer won't turn on.
Varun: Don't worry Jim! We'll figure this out in minutes! Did you plug it in?
Jim: Yes, it's plugged in but it won't turn on.
Varun: Did you press that button on the front?
Jim: I did.
Varun: Then it should be starting up.
Jim: Yeah, the only problem is that everything is plugged in but it's not turning on.
Varun: Okay, I need to check some things...
Varun: Are all the cables plugged in?
Jim: Yes.
Varun: Even the VGA cable?
Jim: Yes, Yes! All the cables are plugged in.
Varun: Then you should have no problem turning it on.
Jim: But it won't turn on.
Varun: Why won't it turn on?
Jim: I don't know why it won't turn on. That's why I'm asking you guys!
Varun: But I have to have an idea of what you're going through in order to help you.
Jim: I have no idea what's going on! You're supposed to have some idea what's going on with my computer!
Varun: I'm sorry. I have no idea what's going on. But is everything plugged in?
Jim: YES, EVERYTHING IS PLUGGED IN!
Varun: You're SURE everything is plugged in?
Jim: What's the use of asking a question when the answer's going to be obvious?
Varun: Just making sure of the situation, sir.
Jim: You gotta be kidding me? I am already aware of the situation!
Varun: Well someones gotta check right?
Jim: Riiiiight...
Varun: I'm wondering, did you try pressing the button on the front?
Jim: I ALREADY PUSHED THE BUTTON ON THE FRONT! IT. WON'T. TURN. ON!!!
Varun: Well are all the cables in?
Jim: I already told ya, THEY'RE PLUGGED IN!
Varun: Then if the cables are already in then shouldn't it start?
Jim: I TOLD YOU. I. CAN'T. TURN. ON. MY. PC! [sucking in a deep breath] ALL. THE. CABLES. ARE. PLUGGED. IN. YET. IT. WON'T. TURN. ON!
Jim: ALL. THE. CABLES. ARE. PLUGGED. IN. IT. WON'T. TURN. ON!
Varun: May I ask your name please?

Look at you, are you going to be of any help at all?

Jim: I already told ya. It's Jim!
Varun: Thanks Jim. I'm just making sure who you are. Tell me, did you press the button on the front?
Jim: YOU KNOW WHAT. FORGET THIS! I'M GOING TO OPEN THE CASE TO SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS MYSELF!
Varun: Uh, isn't that a little dangerous?
Jim: It's not dangerous. In fact I have a screwdriver with me.
Varun: Sir, that will void the warranty.
Jim: I'm unscrewing the case...
Varun: Please don't! You don't know what you're doing!
Jim: The last screw is almost off...
Varun: Please don't! I'M BEGGING YOU!
Jim: And I'm opening the case and look at this!
Varun What? What is it?
Jim: The power supply was disconnected the whole time!
Varun: I wonder who would disconnect your power supply?
Jim: Probably the morons who built this computer
Varun: Well I'll guarantee you that our computers are built with top-of-the-line components.
(A faint startup beep is heard)
Jim: See, I connected the power supply! I won't be needing anymore help from you now.
Varun: Thank you for using our tech support and we hope to see you real soon.
Jim: F*** OFF!!!
(Jim hangs up)