UnScripts:Romeo an' his Homegurl Juliet
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Excerpt from The "Tragedy" of Romeo an' his Homegurl Juliet, an Unfinished Playwright
Act II Scene I
(Romeo jumps over "wall")
Mercutio "Dang man! Dat Romeo got sum hops man! Man! He be trippin'! Oh dang!! Eh yo! Romeo! I know u out dere hookin' up wit yo gurl Rosaline! Man! You pimp! Come on now! You be missin' out on da real party!"
Benvolio "Eh! You think he's really gettin' any from Rosaline righ' now? ... Well dat sure don matter now dus it man! Cmon! Way ta ditch yo homies fo a chick Romeo!"
Mercutio "Cmon man, Vamanos!" (Mercutio Exits)
Benvolio "K, but just u know Romeo, I gonna hear all bout' dis on da tube when u get back man!"
(By a balcony or upraised chair in front of the audience)
Romeo "Dang! DANG! Oh dang! Man, gurl! I see u! Oh dang! Man I wish I wur hur jeans so I cud tuch hur cheek! Oh DANG!!"
Juliet "Ah! That Romeo is sooooo hot! I wonder if he saw me a starin' at him tonight..."
(Romeo runs forward from the back of the audience)
Romeo "Eh yo gurl! Can I hav yo numbah?"
Juliet "Wat da heck man!?! U gonna get shot up in here if da popo see u wit yo goods!...... K, my numbah is (845)-857-3938, u got me?
Romeo "Oh yeah gurl, I got u! Eh! You wanna go head an get married up tommoruh?"
Juliet "Sounds fine homeboy! I gonna send my nurse lady fo' u tommoruh at 9 k?
Romeo (Texting) "K sound fine homegurl! C u tommoruh! ;) <3
Juliet "Oh my gosh man! He dun sent me a heart. It so totally true luv!"
Friar Lawrence "Plants on da ground, plants on da ground. Lookin' like a dirty sinnuh wit' yo' plants on da ground HALLELUIAH!"
Romeo "Eh yo holy man! I need you to get me and dis gurl married ASAP, but I needuh you tah keeppit on da down low, k?"
Friar Lawrence "Buh watta bout yo odda woman Rosaline man?!? U intuhrupted my sho fo dis?!?!?"
Romeo "Man, I dun wit hur man!"
Friar Lawrence "K, I'll do it"
Romeo "Amen holy man, Amen!"
Friar Lawrence "I gotchu bro!... ... Maybe dis dun gonna end da fued..."
Romeo "Uh... K... bye"
Friar Lawrence "Eh... watch yo hed on da way out yo!" (Romeo Bangs Head)
Friar Lawrence "Dose dat run adda way gonna fall... CAN I GETTA AMEN Y'ALL?!?"
Romeo: Similar to guy from MAD TV skit, "Can I Have Yo Numbah?".
Juliet: Southern homegirl with Alabama accent.
Mercutio and Benvolio: Sagging hudlims.
Friar Lawrence: Telivision Preacher.