UnReviews:Dragon Quest 11
Dragon Quest 11 is the ninth Dragon Quest game. I was kinda excited. Then I see some ugly potatoes and I immediately uninstalled and refunded the game. I never get offended by video games. If it's edgy for the sake of being edgy, that doesn't cut me. If it has derogatory stereotypes, it's just an artistic choice. Honestly, if I download a game from Steam, and the intro says, "This isn't even a game, this is just a recruitment video for the KKK", I'd be like, "Eh, if the soundtrack's good..." But when I see a Potato in a Medieval game, it makes my fricking blood boil. Europeans first encountered potatoes in Peru, way after the Middle Ages, yet these "game publishers" keep forcing potatoes into our Medieval fantasies. Us gamers are tired of company bigwigs pushing us gamers around! Us gamers. Wouldn't surprise me if in the future you can only unlock other vegetables through lootboxes. And, yes, even EA fell for this. Fortunately, they hate single player, so never again. Even Kingdom Accurate MacHistoricAccurate has... no potatoes... But then some cheeky bitch modded them into the game...It was a game reviewer! I have to show these giant game corporations that they can never make games modifiable. Publishers, what I'm saying is that, if your game has potatoes, but no mountainous rainforest climate, your game is bad and should be illegal. And even if you have that climate, where are the llamas? They come from the exact same place and some scientists believe they are the same species. Including them is not an option. It's a requirement. So... Did Dragon Quest fulfill these requirements? Just read my review and I'll tell you what happens in this 100 hour long game with one overworld theme. This was pure torture. Why does my job include playing video games?
Ugh...[edit]
Dragon Quest 11 (or XI) has like every country ever. So there was a chance there was an Incan country. But no country has their correct food like Japan has potatoes, Arabia has potatoes, Venice? No pasta, just potatoes. But Hawaii has lobsters! But real gamers will notice that it's the wrong species. And in the Netherlands... Soon, Unlike in real life, they don't seem to eat any tulips. I never checked Frenchland, because French people usually don't care about food. But, there is a Chinese mountain village where everyone has Australian or South African accents. And they eat corn. The remaining countries are Greekland and Norway. Norwegians. A people that live exclusively on butter and salmon has neither of those things. By this point, I thought and still think the wrong foods are intentional. I think the games industry just made this game to mess with me. The final country is Spain and it's probably only in the game so they can say "Oh, the Spanish brought potatoes to Europe, so everything is fine.". It wasn't fine, I was outraged! Those are all the countries! There had been no Incas and no llamas! Dragon Quest got a 1 out of 5... until I found a llama. Not what I expected. Should have been more specific. But, well played, square. SO NOW I HAVE TO ADVANCE FURTHER AGAIN WITH THE STUPID FRICKING SONG. That was the entire world again. And I still haven't found the correct climate since. So, in my humble opinion, Dragon Quest is too bad to get a grade. The best way to describe it is unplayable! Dragon Quest is a complete gameomatic failure. Dragon Quest has officially turned into SHIEEEEET.
Wait, there's a mountainous rainforest?
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UnReviews This article is part of Uncyclopedia's UnReviews series. See more UnReviews This subject is 3 out of 5 stars! That's slightly above average! |
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