UnPoetia talk:Various Haikus Regarding Life and Stuff

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Pee Review[edit]

Humour: 8 Note 1. “I got a pencil/'Cause pens are scary, you know/Permanently there” Elicited recognition. Uninspired: discussion on the permanent-ness of ink was anticipated. The tone, however, is most welcome and charming. The tone effectively relays an endearing youth.

Note 2. “So I was writing, and/I forgot about the rules/Too many syllab” Charming meta-irony. However, elicited only recognition.

Note 3. “My haikus are bad/That makes me so very sad/Hey I can rhyme cool” Reaffirms the author’s disposition; but not particularly funny.

Note 4. “I look at porn lots/It is really cool and nice/I think this because” Excellent! Very unexpected: especially after proceeding the sedate movement of the section previous. The trailing off at the end ‘because’ for some reason works. Line anticipates article’s movement into the more sordid underbelly of prepubescent life. Elicited O_O and appreciation.

Note 5. "My daddy loves me/So much that we play baseball/Nothing sexual" Very good and very clever. However, elicited only a smirk.

Note 6. "My Father loves me/So much that we play Bible/Nothing sexual" Good, good, good. Employs repetition and neat parallelism to the line previous. However, elicited only a smirk.

Note 7. "My brother hates life/His hair looks really stupid/Hairified dumbnesss" Elicited a smirk. Topical.

Note 8. "I have few int'rests/Except for tap-dancing and/Sometimes quick doobies" Ah yes. Haikus, once a venue for communion with nature, are now the expression of choice for woefully ironic, affectedly whimsical, and hip consumerists. *finger snap* Dig it. Elicited only recognition.

Note 9. "I go to college/Next year, at least hopefully/I am really glad" Whoa. Brilliant. This whole time, I thought that a child was speaking. Very unexpected. The uncomplexity of the haikus hitherto coupled with the identification of the author as a college student adds a pathetic dimension to this whole affair. This haiku anticipates the final movement of the article into a young adult’s stereotypically bathos-wrought attempt at tackling the more pressing and inane issues of life. Elicited appreciation.

Note 10. "Should have grown out of/Haiku by now but I am/Immature, oh well." Elicited a smile. The thought resonates for the reader. What is it about haikus that make them so fun? *sigh*

Note 11. "Why are we all here?/Wouldn't it be great if we/All were there instead?" Whoa. Hahaha, right on freaky bro!

Note 12. "Girls really suck balls/Not literally, although/I suppose they do" Haha, clever.

Note 13. The last three haikus were exercises in randomness. Though not particularly funny, they nonetheless do end the article with a lingering O_O feeling that reader imagines to have been an intent of the article. If so, kudos!

Note 14. The nature of this article necessitates that every haiku in the beginning can stand out on its own. However, as of right now, the initial haikus are just fluff compared to the later exemplar ones. But then again, that the initial haikus deal with the inane does reaffirm the initial child-like perspective of the article. Also, even some of the exemplar ones only elicited a smirk.

Concept: 7 Fine concept. A regressed twenty-something's mini haiku memoirs.
Prose and formatting: 8 Haikus. End of discussion. Formatting was fine too.
Images: 7 The pictures, in their sedateness and by being introduced at and buffeting the life section, were an explicit contrast to the sordid shift of the article. The same may be said for the following pair of pictures. The pictures, though they did not elicit a smirk, smile, or lol, did elicit much appreciation and certainly do not detract from the article.
Miscellaneous: 7.5 Averaged.
Final Score: 37.5

Fine concept. Needs pics.
Gems within. Just needs more time
And refinement juice.

Reviewer: Mightydandylion Icons-flag-us.png (talk) Fk 00:43, 18 April 2008 (UTC)