To make Bolognese Sauce you need:
1 tribe Bolongonians (25-30 individuals)
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
1 dodo ovary
500 mL duck butter
1 cup flour
The blood of an 80-year old virgin porn star.
salt and pepper to taste
Spite and loathing for your fellow man
Mix blood and duck butter in a skillet or wok, with 1 clove garlic. Fry over low heat until garlic scent is smooth and full of mountain freshness, and the blood is beginning to brown.
Gently mince the nostril flesh. It is sensitive to light, so you must do this step in the eternal darkness of damnation.
Dice dodo ovary.
Gently fry the nostril flesh and dodo ovary with the other clove of garlic. Take care to allow a proper amount of time for the flavours to fully blend. (Approx 5-7 minutes). Meat should become tender.
Add the pre-made roux to the frypan, and stir slowly. It should change colour to a deep, rich chartreuse, and the screams of a thousand souls should pleasantly fill your ears. Stir until all nostril flesh is fully blended.
Add salt and pepper to taste.
Serve hot, with a sprig of parsley.