UnBooks:A to Z
Okay, kiddies, it's bedtime! What's that? You want a story? How about this story? No? What's that? No, i'm not giving that magic apple juice to you again, or else the nice Judge won't be so nice like last time. How about this book? You like it? Okay, here we go...
A is for Andrew[edit]
Andrew's arm is in the alligator's abdomen and about to exit the anus! Arrogant, arrogant Andrew!
B is for Beer[edit]
Burt belts down boxes of bottles of beer to avoid braving his bedeviling bisexual feelings.
C is for Cut[edit]
Cynthia cut herself. Callously, nobody cared. Curiously cute corpse, though.
D is for Donut[edit]
Dan dunked a dozen delicious donuts into his drink. Dan thought the drink was Diet. Dr. Pepper. Doctors determined otherwise... D.O.A.
E is for Enlargement[edit]
Elise earned eagerly, and eventually earned enough for breast enlargement. Extremely edifying? No, but definitely uplifting.
F is for Fan[edit]
Fritz forced his fat fingers into a fast-moving fan. A fraction (four out of five) returned, freakishly fractured.
G is for Glee[edit]
Gerta gazed, mouth gaping, eyes glazed on a groovy episode of "Glee", unaware that Garth's gall bladder burst. Giant gallstones? Good gracious.
H is for House[edit]
(in Haiku)
Hoarding Henry has
grabbed Horrible Hilda's hat.
Hilda burns his house down! Ha!
I is for Itch[edit]
Ichabod gave Isabel an itchy rash. Internally. Ick!
J is for Juice[edit]
Josh drank Dad's juice from the locked cabinet. Josh's legs? Jelly. Josh's torso? Jack-in-the-box. Josh's brain? Jigsaw Jesus.
K is for Kettle[edit]
Karen kicks her kitten, but is too lazy to turn off the kettle. The kettle went "KA-BOOM", and killed 6 people.
L is for Laxative[edit]
Leonard sits in the lavatory attempting to loosen his stomach. Likewise, like most people, he is lazy and uses a laxative.
M is for Mark[edit]
Michelle has a mark on her face. Mike drank too much again.
N is for Nasty[edit]
Natalia did something nasty with Mr. Newman, but he promises her a new bike if she dosen't tell.
O is for Owls[edit]
Oliver can't afford normal meat, so he eats owls.
P is for Pedophile[edit]
The pastor is in prison after the police discovered his passion. He will be punished.
Q is for Quack[edit]
The ducks used to say 'quack' in a quiet manner. Not since Quincy arrived.
R is for Retard[edit]
msot rtaaads cntu uus a kybrooad.
S is for Steak[edit]
Now that Sam is affiliated with the mafia, he can give Stella steak every Saturday.
T is for Track[edit]
Terrence used to to run on the track. The subway tracks. Ta ta!
U is for Uterus[edit]
8 babies have gone into Ursella's uterus. Only one has surived.
V is for Vaccuum[edit]
Vince likes to chase his dog Victor around with the vaccuum. Vroom! Vince is having trouble getting Victor out.
W is for Whino[edit]
Willie is a Whino. He likes to drink wine. He is a pilot.
X is for X-ray[edit]
Xavier can locate where the condom is stuck by using an X-ray.
Y is for Yell[edit]
Yvon yells at Yalene a lot. It's better than when he hits her.
Z is for ZZZ[edit]
Zephyr says "ZZZ" when he sleeps. The ZZZ will stop when his kids put a pillow over his face.
