Todd Howard

Howard right at this moment

Todd Howard(never born) is an American video game designer, director, producer, lover, smoker, joker and acclaimed liar. He currently serves as supreme overlord of Bethesda Game Studios' basement, where he hunches over on the top shelf selling the latest addition of Skyrim. No one has returned yet from a transaction with the designer.

In 2009, History.com declared Howard "Hardest To Kill Essential NPC"^[1] over the last century, and was named one of God's "Top 20 Rivals of All Time." ^[2]

Early Lives

In 1971, Howard was the first copy of Elder Scrolls Skyrim, having in the previous half-century possessing a gargoyle in the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, France. In one interview, he revealed details of his first lie: "When I was around five I told my mom the picture that I drew her, well, that it had over 200 possible endings. Multiple endings simultaneously existing for a hand-drawn picture warped her into around the sixth dimension I'd say, and she came back as a tangerine. There was only around fifty, though, it was just an exaggeration on my part."^[3]

He had stood outside Bethesda's offices for 35 years as a grisly omen of death, but had been shoo'ed off the premises twice when the company janitor, Jean Hitrot, had secured the push broom and fended him off. There was peace for a time at the studios.

Career

Howard's Angel of Death

Bethesda Softboys

Howard successfully killed his double in 1994 in hand-to-hand combat, as per protocol of joining Bethesda Softworks at the time. He is responsible for everything that has happened, is happening, or ever will happen inside every Elder Scrolls game, and has personally, lovingly coded every gamebreaking glitch, using it as a means to create his obscure performance art.

Speaker

Todd Howard primarily communicates with others using his games, expressing his disapproval in keeping Polygon employees Griffin and Justin McElroy apart from an essential NPC, Roachie, in Fallout 4, in 2016^[4]. He counter-coded in real time every attempt of the video game journalists to tear apart Fallout 4 from the inside out. Reaching out personally to them, Howard attempted to seal Polygon's creation, The Final Pam, inside of a lifeless pocket dimension of her lost human existence. This endeavor failed, results are still unknown.

Some say he is still speaking today.

Crimes and Recognition

You know what you did, Todd.

References

1. "Rasputin is Murdered". History.com. 2009. A+E Networks. Retrieved April 25, 2018.
2. "I am about to pour out my wrath on you and spend my anger against you. I will judge you according to your conduct and repay you for all your detestable practices."International Bible. Ezekiel; 7:8. Retrieved April 25, 2018.
3. "Howard's Mother" IGN. 1971. Retrieved April 25, 2018.
4. "Documentation of Pam". Youtube.com. 2016. Polygon. Retrieved April 25, 2018.