This Bar Sucks
Why in God's name did you drag me to this bar? This has to be not only the worst bar in the entire city but, by far, the worst bar I have ever been to in my life. Not only are you no longer allowed to pick the bars we go to, but our friendship has been diminshed for you having picked this place for us to come to.
The Drinks Are Overpriced and Watered Down[edit]
Seriously, dude. $4.00 for a Miller Lite bottle? Two more bucks and I could buy a six pack of this at the Kroger back home. It's a good thing I don't drink mixed drinks our I'd have to take out a loan just to pay my bar tab. And here, let me have a sip of that... Is there any booze in that at all? Did you just pay six bucks for a Coke? This is pathetic.
The Jukebox Has Nothing But Shit On It[edit]
What the fuck, man? I just went to check out the jukebox and all it has on it are a bunch of black dudes, Rick Astley and art fags. There's no Judas Priest or Van Halen or Big & Rich. What kind of bar jukebox doesn't have Big & Rich on it? A sucky bar, that's what kind of bar. You can't rock out and enjoy a beer to... what the fuck are these guys called... Modest Mouse? Yeah, how are you supposed to get drunk to that? Seriously.
The Bartender is a Douchebag[edit]
Man, how fucking lame is this? I went over to tell the bartender what I didn't like about his bar and he just gave me a whole bunch of attitude! Me! I'm the customer! He's supposed to treat customers with more respect than that! He told me that if I didn't like the bar, there was a Buffalo Wild Wings down the street I was more than welcome to go to! You know what? After I have a couple more drinks, I think I just might!
What The Fuck Is Everyone Here Doing?[edit]
And don't get me started on the fucking people drinking in this place. Everyone is just sitting or standing around just talking to each other. Where's the drunk chicks hooting and hollering and flashing their tits? Where's the old guy in the John Deere hat sitting at the end of the bar, making faces at the women? Where's the guys fighting over the pool table? Where's the pool table?! Man this place is gayer than Oscar Wilde.
I'm out of here[edit]
I'm getting the fuck out of this place, dude. You are never picking the bar we hang out at ever again.
By the way, can you spot me some cash to pay my tab? I'm a little short.