The West Lothian Question

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The West Lothian Question is a quandary that has plagued the people of the Scottish Borders hamlet of West Lothia for centuries. A brief summary of the Question is presented thus:

What's for dinner?

The problem[edit]

This query may not seem to be very perplexing, but in full, the Question itself would melt the mind of any who thought of it for more than seven minutes and forty-six seconds. This phenomenon in itself caused the people of West Lothia to produce some of the most accurate watches in all of Scotland, but the Question remained. The reason for the Question's persistence over so many years can almost certainly be attributed to the fact that there are simply no good restaurants in West Lothia. In fact, there are only three reputable establishments in the entire township: A fairly good takeout place, a slightly greasy diner, and a four-star fine dining restaurant. However, the latter went out of business due to its location in the middle of an impassable peat bog inhabited by alligators, and so really should not be counted in the list.

An intelligent observer of the situation may ask, "Why don't the people of West Lothia simply cook their own food?" Herein lies another unique natural phenomenon: the West Lothians have an ancient clan tradition that physically prohibits them from preparing anything but haggis. This is the reason why they don't just open some more restaurants.


This eternal question stemmed out of the equally eternal questions "Where's my food?" and "How much longer until it's ready?" As well as the similar exclamation "Woman! Get me some eats!"


Searching for food in nearby locations is also impossible, because neighbouring East Lothia lies the land of make believe on the other side of the aforementioned alligator-infested peat bog, and North Lothia is inaccessible until ferry service resumes. The people of South Lothia muck about on the beach all day and will simply have nothing to do with the whole lot of them, since South Lothia is across the border in England.

The Final Solution[edit]

Deep fry something.

See Also[edit]