The Great Wash And Go Controversy
“You'll never catch me taking two bottles into the shower”
The Great Wash And Go Controversy bubbled to the surface in autumn of 2009. The foundations of millions of single men were shaken to the core when they went to replace their empty green shampoo bottles to find that the packaging had changed in a manner only describable as "Worse".
Good.
Bad.
Background[edit]
In days gone by, the single man had a plethora of problems awaiting him in the shower. Firstly - he could either pretend to wash his hair with soap and end up with a mucky mess that would *not* make him attractive to females or he could go through a terribly daunting prospect of Buying Shampoo.
Buying shampoo may sound like a simple task to all the women of the world, but to a young man, recently pushed out into the world by unforgiving parents, venturing into Superdrug or Boots to then be virtually attacked by a whole aisle of hair-care products was a coming-of-age hurdle that has been likened to an Aboriginal Walkabout. Worse, the young male might be accosted by a salesgirl in the store who would ask the digging question "What type do you want?". Every man knows there is only one answer to this question and every man knows that the one type of shampoo not sold is the one for "Dirty Hair".
Once the young man has a bottle of shampoo in his hand, the salesgirl will then ask the next question "Do you want conditioner too?" At this point the young man will be lucky to avoid a complete panic attack and weeks, nay months, of therapy.
Finally, after getting off the floor, wiping the froth from his mouth, and parting with cash, the young man will exit the store with two bottles AND NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THE SECOND ONE. Actually, often, with no idea what to do with either one.
"Wash And Go" changed all that - the hair product to invent a hair-type of "Universal" (My Lord you can use this shampoo on all types of hair!), plus the hair product that combined the mystery of Conditioner with the cleansing properties of shampoo.
Secondly - there comes a time in any bottle-of-liquid's life, when the liquid runs dry. This time is accompanied by a whole lot of shaking and squeezing (and in the case of Ketchup, knives). Since shampoo is such a viscous liquid, even knowing that the bottle is nigh empty is a tricky situation (you've only got yourself to blame). This gives two problems - (i) running out of shampoo when you didn't realise and (ii) being unable to get the shampoo from the bottom of the bottle and so having to buy a new bottle without finishing the old one. The first problem leaves you with dank hair, the second leads to waste, global warming and so the doom of mankind.
"Wash And Go" changed all that - the hair product to invent a bottle THAT STOOD UPSIDE DOWN AS GOOD AS IT STOOD THE RIGHT SIDE UP!!!
This means that you can keep the bottle in the shower, upside down, and the shampoo settles at THE END WITH A HOLE.
This simple bottle design was given the Nobel prize, voted for en-bloc by Greenpeace members world-wide for its single contribution to mankind's rosy, green, recyclable future.
The Controversy[edit]
Suddenly, without warning, the marketing blockheads at Procter and Gamble decided that the bottle shape was too "20th Century" and decided that a change was required.
Instead of a simple flat-topped flattened cylinder, the bottle shape became a twisted parody of its former self - in fact a twisted cylinder with a greatly reduced surface area on its "top". Instead of presenting a stable design whether upside down or right-side up, the new style bottle presents a bottom-heavy design, prone to falling over in the shower, a property that is the antithesis of the original design.
It is inconceivable that the one major design factor of this shampoo that was unapproachable in utility has been thrown away like a huffed-out-kitten for a marketing drone's wet dream.
It has been calculated that the original bottle design has save the business world hours of productive time PER USER PER YEAR. Every user of the original bottle has turned up at school or work with NICE CLEAN HAIR and so not been subject to productivity-wasting abuse. Every user of the original bottle has been able to get shampoo out of the bottle without needing to squeeze or bang the bottle for minutes on end, thereby meaning that they turn up at school or work with nice clean hair ON TIME.
Conclusion[edit]
It is not known whether the breakdown in the finance markets of the world in 2008/2009 can be directly contributable to the design change of this bottle, but many experts believe so. Especially the experts with dirty hair.