Talk:Nelly Furtado

The facts

Yes, it does contain some truths, but that's not necessarily horrible. I'm working on shaping the article to be a bit more strange without becoming a piece of garbage like it was before. This is my first time writing for Uncyclopedia, so I'm trying my best to do something appropriate. -Coltonblue 07:15, 13 January 2007 (UTC)

From Pee Review

Humour:	7	Good humour, perhaps could be tightened up some with pacing and delivery.
Concept:	6	This is a satirical look at Furtado as musician, and the concept is middle-of-the-road: reasonable exaggeration, reasonable mockery.
Prose and formatting:	8	Well-written. Teh grammorz are correct; the sentences are for the most part clearly structured and well-turned. Formatting is first-rate.
Images:	8	The googly eyes on Whoa Nelly and the "Botox & Boobs" look on Folklore are quite subtle, really. Nicely done.
Miscellaneous:	7	Needs some links added, could use maybe some sample lyrics, a discography, a song list, stuff that one might expect to see on a Wikipedia article. Also, slap on the {{Wikipedia}} template.
Final Score:	36
Reviewer:	----OEJ 00:02, 6 January 2007 (UTC)

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As I mentioned, I think this piece falls into the "tweaked-reality" category, a very appropriate place for this subject. Humor in this category (and in most others!) seems to be enhanced by a strong logical structure -- in the case of biographical articles this might be a sense that the subject has a particular personality which drives the career or life described in the article.

In Patrick Henry the themes of drug use and rebellious bad-boy behavior drive most of the article. They're the backbone. In Nelly Furtado themes of whoring after success and wanton sexuality provide something similar. I might suggest you look for what drives the article's version of Furtado and see if they can be clarified. What you might be looking for is a strong "fall-line" that makes the events described in the article seem almost the inevitable result of Furtado's personality and obsessions.

(Yeah, that sounds a lot like the kind of sh*tty advice you'd hear in a short-story class. Ugh. Sorry about that.)

On style: you're grasp of grammar and whatnot is obviously good. (later: you're!! I cain't beleave I wroted that!) Take a look at this sentence, though:

At the age of 12, Furtado penned her first song, "Maneater," written about a junior high school classmate, Brenda, who became pregnant, dropped out of school and entered the sex trade, renowned for her oral skills.

It's like a cat with 6 toes on each paw: it has too many clauses. Break it up. Two or three short sentences often have more clarity and impact than one long one. "At the age of 12 Furtado penned her first song, "Maneater". The ballad tells the story of her junior high school friend, Brenda "The Tongue" Gherkin, who dropped out of school and entered the sex trade. She specialized in blowjobs."

("Blowjobs" is more graphic (stronger) than "oral skills" but which words you choose is of course your stylistic choice. "Oral skills" is a charming euphemism and that may be just what you want here. Same with the nickname I hung on poor Brenda -- you can use it or lose it according to your inspiration and taste.)

I might suggest that you continue to revise this piece now and then. It's very hard to see what sentences need reconstructive surgery when the piece is "hot"; you have to wait until your creative fervor cools and you can read it "cold" -- as the rest of us will read it -- before you can see the need for certain revisions.

Good luck! And I must add, you are the kind of writtar we like to see "publishing" on Uncyc. Welcome! ----OEJ 18:44, 6 January 2007 (UTC)

From Pee Review2

I had a Pee Review a while ago that really helped me out. Since then, I've expanded and improved the article and I'd like to get another evaluation so I can see what else can be done to make it better. EDIT: And the Portuguese song titles are pretty funny if you translate them. ;D -Coltonblue 21:39, 1 February 2007 (UTC)

Not a mention of the issue with Acidjazzed Evening? --~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

17:39, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

That's actually a good idea! Thank you. -Coltonblue 17:56, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

Humour:	6	I had a few chuckles, but I don't really know that much about Nelly Furtado except for the fact that she thinks she is a bird. But, this maybe because I don't really like that kinda music, someone that knows the person really well probably would enjoy this more.
Concept:	7	I like the fact you've tried to show how the album and song names reflect her life. As well as the changing skin colour. Although, (I'm sure I'm missing something that I may have to be familiar with) I'm not sure about the bit about her school friend Brenda, funny, but it came across to me as random. Maybe provide translations for the song names on the album.
Prose and formatting:	6	Maybe you could divide the huge chunks of text, that would help with easy reading. Again, this could be me but I found it a bit daunting to read.
Images:	6	The images are ok, the only two that stand out for me is the one showing her skin advancement and the one of the "Whoa, Nelly!" album. You could get them changed, but as they are it is fine.
Miscellaneous:	10	N/A
Final Score:	35	Again, all that really needs to be sorted out is the big blocks of text, once this is done I'm sure you could make this work a lot better.
Reviewer:	—Braydie 00:25, 12 February 2007 (UTC)