Talk:Blackwater
From Pee Review[edit]
| Humour: | 6 | It's OK, but the humor is kind of unfocused. |
| Concept: | 7 | I read it as what if the Blackwater USA security firm was actually a small town instead of for-hire mercenaries? But the development of this as a satirical device is not very firm in the article as it stands. See endnotes. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | There are near fatal flaws in the prose. It's not dead, but it's coughing up blood. See endnotes. |
| Images: | 0 | Imatches? We don't need no steenking imatches! |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | I'm lukewarm about this piece. |
| Final Score: | 24 | |
| Reviewer: | ----OEJ 22:24, 14 April 2007 (UTC) | |
I'm not very good at filling in tables with marks out of ten for different topics. Sorry. My thoughts are more freewheeling, unstructured mess of ideas. Anyway, my first impression is that this a fairly good article, but it's a little bit too US-centric. References to "our country", "our army", etc. are distracting and confusing to people from different countries. Also I don't get the point of the list of names. Is it supposed to be a satirical list associated with the war on terror? In which case, what are Elmo and Rosie O'Donnell doing there? Or is it just a random list of famous names? In which case what's the point? But apart from these small details, this is not a bad article. User:Solar penguin/sig 13:29, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
Further notes: On prose: "This majestic place is abounded with friendly creatures like T-Rexes, komodo dragons and Dodo birds." No, not right. "This majestic place abounds with friendly creatures like tyrannosaurs, Komodo dragons, and dodo birds." (Komodo is usually capitalized because it is a proper name, to wit the name of an island; dragon is not. The word dodo is usually not capitalized.) "Jipping" is spelled gypping because it comes from the word gypsy. "...in which the Commies revoluted" is a frightening phrase. A centrifugal pump has a volute, so if you revolute I think you put a new volute in a pump. I think revolted is what you mean. Correct the writing; proper grammar makes an article shine. On concept: I would rather the article presented a satirical small town instead of something fantastical located across the Atlantic in China. (?!) If there were a small town in North Carolina which specialized in corporate paramilitary operations, what would the city council be like? What would their summer celebration be (their version of Gilroy's Garlic Festival, or Galveston's Shrimpers' Ball, or Provo's Goldrush Weekend)? How about that mainstay of Wickedpedia city articles, the demographic breakdown? To me that would be more interesting and potentially funny than stuff about Atlantis and Komodo dragons. But that's just the evil opinion of an evil, evil man. ----OEJ 22:24, 14 April 2007 (UTC)