Sooty & Co.
“They even offended gingers in one episode! GAARRRGH!”
“Warning! Two dangerous criminals, Matthew Corbett and Michael Rosen have broken out of Broadmoor prison. They are considered dangerous you should contact the police if you see them”
“I like babies”
Sooty and Co is a British children's TV hosted by none other than notorious sex offender Matthew Corbett. The show was eventually banned in 1999 and the title of the show was changed to Sooty Heights and new presenter Richard Cadell was introduced as the first presenter on the show with no criminal record (that all changed with the episode 'Semen semen everywhere'.) The title changed yet again to just 'Sooty' the next year; due to the controversial nature of the 'Heights' part of the title which according to Tipper Gore, the mother of all censorship, was "inappropriate" and displayed Sooty as a ganja smoker who liked "to get high" (which is true).
General plot of each episode[edit]
Matthew Corbett runs a playboy house in Manchester, with puppets Sooty (a yellow bear that can wank), Sweep (a stupid dog), Soo (a porn actress panda), and Little Cousin Scampi (another, if smaller, bear that can wank). Sooty and the gang are often getting up to mischief, and it is usually Soo and Matthew that are the more sensible ones (until the guest star turns up, because that's where it gets really interesting.)
A regular visitor at Sooty and Co, is Mo (from the market), and most episodes involve Matthew getting into shit due to the puppets, whether it is having jizz poured over him or crap cakes thrown at his face. Some episodes finish with a song, usually performed by gangsta rappers, and extreme metal bands.
The episodes conclude with the sooty gang and Matthew waving "Piss off, Everybody, piss off." The show was shot on the same set that 'Adult Filth' uses, although due to being under hot pursuit from the MI5, they were forced to relocate to a new studio ever 3-5 episodes. The efforts of master hackers and moles within the BBC kept episodes broadcasting regularly.
History[edit]
Sooty and Co rose to fame in 1990 when Matthew Corbett escaped from Broadmoor prison, after being arrested for armed robbery and breaking and entering (that's what she said) with partner in crime Michael Rosen. Matthew grabbed together all the puppets he could find in his bedroom and said "Fuck it, I'm starting a TV show." Matthew found his friend Richard Cadell (as mentioned before) and his father Harry and together, they made the first episode. The first episode itself was enough to gain Corbett and Cadell the fame (or rather infamy) in the showbiz world. The episode's name was 'moving in (and out of your arse)'. The very first scene involved the puppets settling nicely into the playboy house playing a game of limp biscuit (which Richard Cadell puts a stop to). In the next scene, Sweep and Kipper upload naked pictures secretly taken of Miki the cat and Soo the panda undressing. The boys high five and 'naked pictures' by the band Electric Six plays in the background. Matthew Corbett sits on his bed explaining how much he loves his new home, to which he is rudely interrupted by Richard Cadell and Michael Rosen in the bedroom next door. Corbett for half a minute straight listens to the dubious noises coming from the bedroom and eventually shouts "Oi! keep it down, poofters." Sooty appears next to him with dreadlocks and a ganja pipe describing how much he loves getting high, which was shocking seeing as Sooty is a puppet and can't talk.
The next scene involves a live performance of 'fucked with a knife' by Cannibal Corpse. A blooper in the production of the episode was when Corbett was supposed to be interviewing the lead singer of the band, but he was no where to be seen. He was found five minutes later about to be tossed off by Soo (more correctly Rosen with Soo on his hand). Unfortunately, this scene was accidentally broadcast. Corbett, after the hectic day of filming the first episode, climbed into bed with his girlfriend Madonna, but their dubious passions were also recorded and broadcasted for childrens TV all across the world. It was banned within a week of it's release. MI5 were sent after the offenders, but the cast of Sooty and Co spent much of their time on the run. Cadell after this point, left the troupe and was replaced by Madonna and Glen Benton of Deicide.
Many teens and comedy show presenters found the episode 'hilarious' and the episode was even shown on comedy shows to live audiences. The consensus among television critics was that "It was a shame about the five minute overrun, but hey ho, that's the way life goes."
Controversy[edit]
The most controversial episode is titled 'Cocks Galore'. It is basically just Sooty masturbating to images of monkeys, and the puppets enacting scenes that would inspire the horror films 'A Serbian Film' and the 'Human Centipede' series among other extreme horrors such as Slaughtered Vomit Dolls and August Underground. This episode was banned extremely swiftly by the government, but went viral even more swiftly across the internet. YouTube administrators struggle to this day to prevent people from trying to upload it.
Other controversies include promotion of class A drugs, homophobia, racial insensitivity, antisemitism and execution. In the episode 'Little Fiends,' Sooty and Sweep deal Krokodil and Scopolamine to junkies and ecstasy to senior school students. The puppets were seen in 'Piledriving' wearing towels over their heads pretending to be jihadists. They ran amok around Manchester shooting people up with AK-47s. They shot up 10 people and a turnip (it was a pity about the turnip). In 'Everything will go wrong', Sweep and Butch are seen saluting Hitler. In the final episode 'Final Farewell (piss off everyone for good), they accidentally spill petrol on scampi causing him to catch fire (as the smoke from Sooty's pipe is always present). Miley Cyrus made her debut as an actress in this episode and was nearly killed in the fire. In an intoxicated rage, the puppets burnt Miki as well and hung Ramsbottom. The emergency services arrived and took Corbett and Rosen back to broadmoor and five hours later, they found Miley Cyrus half dead (she was at the bottom of their priorities list).
Aftermath and future[edit]
Sooty and Co is widely considered 'the most evil children's show on Earth'. The future shows, Sooty Heights (and the later renamed 'Sooty' as Sooty Heights proved controversial) seemed to be more appropriate for children, but seeing as Cadell made the episode 'semen semen everywhere', he was also taken to broadmoor along with Madonna, Glen Benton and pretty much everyone else involved in the show, from the actors and puppeteers to the hackers and moles. This is effectively where the shows ended, as nobody was interested in the boring, politically correct episodes released under the title of 'Sooty'. They had a ritual bonfire with the rest of the puppets.