Some Hippie

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Ooo, ooo; that smell. Can't you smell that smell?

“I have so far smoked 84 Hippies this week and plan to continue doing so until a fish jumps out of my ass”

~ Oscar Wilde on Heepees

Some Hippie is an archetype embodying a variety of characteristics that fill some void that nature abhors, apparently.


Fossil records show that Some Hippie lived side by side with large dinosaurs in the Jurassic period. Evidence suggests that the mass extinction of large reptiles was caused by the unprecedented amounts of trash generated by the first Earth Day. While most Some Hippies were also obliterated by this phenomenon, some managed to survive, and still eke out a feeble existence to this day.

In modern times, the natural habitat of Some Hippie includes that apartment downstairs where all the noise comes from, that one coffeehouse that you can't believe is still open, and behind the counter at the local copy shop during the overnight shift.


Conventional wisdom says that Some Hippie forms a world view that is unfettered by the eons of insight that humanity offers. This could not be further from the truth. Some Hippie is not non-conformist, but is in fact an anti-conformist. As an anti-conformist, Some Hippie will consistently join whatever view is opposite of current Norms.

  • Norm: It's better to be sober most of the time. Some Hippie: Screw you, man, I'm gaining enlightentment.
  • Norm: You'll probably have more friends if you wash. Some Hippie: These are my natural pheromones, man. Screw you.
  • Norm: Your long hair is harboring foul odors and small creatures. Some Hippie: Man, screw you. Animals don't cut their hair.
  • Norm: Get a job, Hippie. Some Hippie: Screw you. Man.

Common Characteristics[edit]

  • Reeks of Patchouli, Pot, and Butt
  • Encyclopedic Knowledge of Potential Rope Making Materials
  • Patchwork Knowledge of the Constitution
  • Loud Insistence about What the Constitution is Printed On
  • Pretty Sure That Everything Should Come From Somewhere Without Much Individual Effort
  • Entrapment: You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means
  • What Was That, Man, Did You Hear That
  • Willingness to Co-opt Entire Libertarian Party for Short-Term Perceived Gains
  • Power to See a Different Blue than You
  • Can't Wait to Have Own Place to Put Feet Wherever They Want and Lay Some Rules Down on You, Fascist
  • Can I Crash on Your Couch for a Few Days
  • Have slept with Forrest Gump
  • Volkswagen Vans
  • Pants Made From Many Pants
  • Dirt on Face Shrouded by Dirt on Beard
  • Dude, Burning Man sucked this year.