Shoot'em up University
A shoot'em up university (sometimes called: FPS Uni, Training mission, or Noob Zone/level) is a common place for n00bs, morons, newbs and 1337 speakers to study for a Doctorate of War. Not everyone graduates and most members drop out and try to start going into Battle Grounds and Uber player servers (or other places where people fight) killing their own teammates, getting killed themselves, or running around like a macho maniac yelling "I PWN YOU N00b lolz", "Fear my uber HAXOR skills Lololol!!!!2@!!@!111!" or other such bullshit.
It takes seventy (70) years to sit one's full Doctorate of War, and once those years have been spent, there is a final exam. Once the study is done, they automatically lose the title Noob, 1337 speaker, or whatever, and are from that day called Uber haxor.
If they start killing their own team mates, getting killed themselves, or running around like a macho maniac yelling "I PWN YOU N00b lolz", "Fear my uber HAXOR skills Lololol!!!!2@!!@!111!" or other such bullshit in a Battle Ground, they are then Demoted to Stupid, Asshole, or Ignored.
History[edit]
Early years[edit]
The first shoot'em up university was founded by the Americans during the civil war in the year of 1300 A.D. when everyone was obsessive about the brand-new FPS game called "The Civil War" using the RL engine, played on the Atari Virtual reality head set. Due to the primitive support of the engine, the players when killed on the computer game ended up having their brains blow up inside the head set. Because people did not like having their brains blown up and going braindead, a union of all the important developers and the best players started up a university to teach those with potential skill to survive, to beat wisdom into the heads of morons, and n00bs that they should just go home.
As games developed so did the complexity of study, and human intelligence decreased. The FPS Uni's survival rate itself is a low one of 0000.000.01.0% The development of the mouse, keyboard, and the controller decreased it to a 0000.000001% during the 80's. Yet the Controllers, such as the Duel shock controller developed by Sony would cause people to turn into charcoal. People who died during training were incinerated in the campus fireplace for their insolence.
That was till the writer of 'For Dummies' sparked an idea, and that idea hit the shelves in 1830: the memory card! The development of this revolutionary device allowed people killed in battle to "respawn". Because of that teachers at the university started working overtime because their classes were not getting picked off by one another. It allowed the students to get so careless they were bunny jumping and swimming for as long as they could in lava pits in there, and thus, Leroy Warfare had been invented. The production of memory card itself Increased the statistics to a whopping 0000.001% survival rate.
When the players head Explodes from getting killed, all his previous information learned, his personality, and all that other kind of shit were ready to be uploaded into his brain again when they find all the Chunks laying around and stuff them back into his skull. The Console would allow memory transfer back into the brain.
Because of the respawn rate of students, the FPS Uni tried to make the tests even though. Survival was no longer the issue, and during 1877 The School was on the brink of disbandment! The gates were finally locked... and n00bs ran rampant and uncontrolled with these new memory cards.
Impact on the world[edit]
N00bs had started so many wars on so many servers, hacking them, and being stupid with no regard for the consequences of their actions. The rate of players who did not know how to win Battle Grounds other than performing the Ritual of Premade, and increasing the latency though use of strange programs, the World found itself almost at an end, due to the amount of morons, 1337 speakers and n00bs.
Newbs were forced to be in awe at these apparent Uber HAXORS that forced them to respawn every minute. The gaming market went down, people started turning to MMORPGs and the FPS communities were being dominated. Wanting to put an end to this, Bill Gates decided to put an end to his crash in true gaming.
He started an alternative company called HA10. Hardcore, Anti, 1337, 0rganization sometimes called Ha-ten or Ha-one-zero
He united with Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, the Pope, and Dr Evil for support. Although each had a hidden agenda, they all set out to create a gaming god, by finding the world's greatest gamers, and creating a clone of all of them combined. First they needed the gamer geeks.
It was not until a reference with the shoot'em up university was made. One of the Last Tier were still alive, after 1000 years of the university being locked up. After months of looking for him, The One of the last Tier found their scout, he asked him for help in their creation. Who stood before him was a strange man in a blue suit with a briefcase. The one of the last Tier accepted, but told him "expect unforeseen consequencesssss". And with that, the One of the last Tier handed a sheet of paper of whos geines would be required. After looking at the paper a moment, the scout looked back at the strange man's old position, to find he was gone! When he returned to HA10 headquarters, they prepared a super secret laboratory that encompassed the whole world as their new HQ.
It was so super secret that nobody noticed because all the n00bs were too busy being morons.
Once ready they started going around looking for all the genetics. How they were to be obtained was though a process planned by Dr Evil. They were to steal the Mojo of all the people they required. The first target was Austin Powers; the operation was carried out by a really fat Scottish bastard.
The second was Edmond: The Duke of Nukem I. They had to fight him just to get it. Tom Cruise and Edmond fought out a huge battle that started with pistols, and ended with flamethrowers and Scientology cultist energy waves. Edmond, the first Duke of Nukem, handed his title to his son, Duke Nukem. The last was Tom Cruise's son, which he protested. Because of this, Bill Gates used a virus on Tom, killing him.
When Bill finally found Tom Cruise's child, the mysterious man in the blue suit appeared before the child, and told him he had limitless potential, and could lose his mojo, or come with him. The kid's obvious choice was to go with the strange man because no one could find him after a huge spike lag. After those months, a few individuals who were hurt by the outbreak of n00bs from 1000 years ago, and the selfish actions of the super evils united to study at the university. The old teachers returned as professed!
The Big War[edit]
A huge war between the students of the shoot'em up university and HA10. Everyone there at that time had suffered from HA10's actions. They started putting a tax on servers, and very bad Microsoft standard security on them (in turn, making the servers a breeding ground for viruses) Memory Cards screwed up, causing zombification in hundreds of n00bs. Cities were leveled because of this, and many people died.
It was said that HA10 had crossed the line. There were many battles involving faulty memory cards. So on the winter of July 1899, the university banned memory card implants, forcing the students to be more careful and no die in the VR, cause if they did there brains would blowup. Their will to win the war made them not bother dyeing.
HA10 used a lot of bots to attack the university head-on, but their AI programming was inferior. Some believed that this was the AI that they were going to use for their Uber HAXOR Weapon. One day in 1902, Tom Cruise's child was kidnapped by purple one-eyed bots (sometimes referred to as Orbs) who hacked the server and used the Noclip cheat to find a secret room hidden under the flag in the battle of Face_Capture-CTF.
There was an exceptional warrior who had recently joined the ranks. He was previously an old martial artist who had recently suffered the fate of most Asians: getting unhealthily addicted to computer games! Known by some as the Shadow Warrior, he traced HA10's IP number and went to look for the kid.
It was too late to save the kid's mojo when the Shadow Warrior got to him. Bill Gates, alongside Dr Evil, started producing clones.
Just before the Mojo was ready to be used, there was an epic battle, starting with melee and ending with TBFG (tactical big fucking gun) weapons. Both Bill Gates and Tom Cruise's child fell into a vat full of the combined mojo. The dark energy of the kid triggered the evolution sequence, turning both Bill Gates and himself into mojo.
Dr Evil was then confronted by the Shadow Warrior, who used his fists of fury to beat him to a pulp. The evil Dr Evil was dying, but told him it was possible to reverse the process and divide the DNA, and to tell Austin Powers that he is his father, even though he is his brother.
The process required him to fire the "laser cannon" into the vat. The wrong level would cause the evolution of something very sinister. Before he could tell him to operate it, Dr Evil died by fainting. The Shadow Warrior tried to operate the machinery, but ended up screwing up. Soon to come was the birth of the FPS God!
A green, over-armored Spartan crawled out of the Vat. It was shiny, almost blinding to look at. The Shadow Warrior suddenly DCed because his mother needed to use the phone, and she was complaining "Get off the Internet!!!" (Broadband was not invented until 2000) As the One of the Last Tier said "was for the best"
It took over HA10 and started mass-producing these blinding colored, armored Spartans he made in his own image, calling them the Master Chief Dummies! N00bs and Uber HAXORs all around were fighting a war that natural skill alone could not resolve...
Then and Now[edit]
To sum it all up, the Shoot'em up University was where some of the greatest warriors went to learn to be Uber Haxor Warriors. Now it's used as a means of understanding the old gamer ways to allow survival in all FPS games, and more importantly, the master Chief! Becoming part of the UN helped with funding and redevelopment after being shut down because of the memory card.
Famous people from Shoot'em up University[edit]
There are many heroes and villains who have come out of Shoot'em up University. Most have captured the imagination though many acts of shooting people.
Gordon Freeman[edit]
One of the youngest Graduates of Shoot'em up University because he is a geeky orange armored Spartan with glasses and a crowbar. Gordon was bullied by the jocks quite a bit for being a Poindexter and a furry.
He was the only person to sit through a PH.D, sided with a diploma in FPS at the age of 19, officially graduating after 2 years of study in 1995. Although at the end of all that, he found himself in a job he was overqualified for, which was pushing a trolley around Black Messa.
Shadow Warrior (Lo Wang)[edit]
Once an assassin who took on a whole company with a buttload of money, he found himself fascinated by gun-fu, and decided to take up study in Shoot'em up University, becoming a triple-major in gun-fu. Once he took on the entire HA10 Force before getting DCed by his mother who had to "call Pam about yoga". He finds himself training more and more in gun-fu, and as little as he can anywhere else.
DOOM (Flynn Fly Taggert)[edit]
A mysterious left-handed mute who seems to have a bum leg because he can't jump. He was sitting through his graduation when he took up workplace training as a Marine. He had a shitty with his sergeant who told him "There are only two kinds of Sarge in the army, A Massage and a Sausage! and when you combine the two, you get a wanker!" accusing DOOM of calling him a Wanker. Exasperated, DOOM shot his commander, and went to marine prison, based on Mars. He was allowed to do correspondence though jail, and did just that. Then all communication was cut off from Mars.
When an investigation team came, they found a lot of bloody mess all over the place, a huge shit in a toilet that clogged it, and DOOM out of his cell snoozing with a shotgun in his hand.
Because there was fucked-up research at that place, and the US Navy Wanted to stop the research at the UAC, they assumed DOOM escaped and opened a can of Charley Manson on their ass.
Because he was a mute, he could not explain that the Burning Legion came in and started running rampant in the facility, and that he single-handedly tried to stop them from killing everybody, so now The US Navy decelerated him with a Victorians Cross and threw him in a mental asylum for his mass murder, where he continued to sit his Doctorate of War.
The Duke of Nukem II (Duke Nukem)[edit]
The Duke of Nukem II was one of the first foreigners to go to the Shoot'em up University (coming from Nukem, a small island populated by gorgeous women who get their income by shaking their bare breasts at the sight of money)
It was recorded that he never studied at the start of his career, working as a temp worker at the CIA to take out a crazy doctor with some sort of fetish for robots (technophilia) After saving the world he wrote a best-selling book called "Why I am SOO Great" where he was in his words "swiped by those alien bastards". He ended up destroying most of the race known as fell orcs.
When he came back home, he was faced by yet another alien race. It seemed like those same Orcs had come and tried to take over Los Angeles! So he ended up wiping them out, including their spiritual leader Thrall, the transvestite Queen of Ogrimmar. A document by the UN stated that he stated "I'm gonna kick your ass, bitch". When the battle ended, Duke shoved a pipe bomb up Thrall's fanny while saying "It's time to abort your whole freaking species!"
After finally eradicating an ENTIRE F*CKING RACE! he was then invited to join the university, gladly accepting after being told that the world has become so down right Qualification Oriented, that his past milestones would not be recognized unless he got the qualifications to show for what he's done (which is the real reason DNF has not been released yet). This was also when he discovered his father was killed by the evil Tom Cruise.