Shay's Rebellion

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Daniel Shay: The Man, The Wolf, The Rebel[edit]

He was a man, a wolf and a rebel.

The Rebellion Begins[edit]

Shay's rebellon was pretty much the most important thing ever. Shay decided that it was time for some change, so he and his fellow werewolves marched on Washington. Shay was demanding a dome be put up over the United States, to block out the moon, and the government claimed they did not have the money or technology to accomplish this. So they, the NLA (National Lycanthropic Army), Marched on Washington during the waxing gibbous, threatening to tear down the Washington Monument when the full moon arose. The insurrection was eventually quelled when Jesus brought the President, Fred Flintstone, a machine gun filled with silver bullets on Sunday, Marchuary 34th 1787 . This massacre is known as Bloody Sunday.

Alternate Version[edit]

Other versions of the story say the insurrection was put down before any violence erupted, and all of the citizens of the United States put aside their differences and worked together to build a dome around the US, pooling their resources together. The project took twenty long years but was a success. An unfortunate consequence of this event is that the dome was air tight, limiting the US's air to what was in it at the time, trapping in all air pollutants. Many millions died as a result but werewolves could live in peace with their bad selves.

Rebellion Aftereffects[edit]

As a direct result of Shay's rebellion, caucuses were replaced with rainbow parties.

Symbol of the National Rainbow Party.

What They Will Try to Teach You in School...[edit]

Simply put, the Farmers got pissed and rebelled. Who can blame them? They were poor, they were angry, they were hungry, and the government didn't give a shit. Hey, people in those square states somehwere between California and New York still complain about such issues today. Obama, of course, will whip their sorry asses until they man up and take it like true Americans. So, the Great Shay gathered a herd of angry men to attack...and it is often debated whether this event was an epic fail or an all-American victory. Regardless, angry farmers with pitchforks (similar to the scene from Beauty and the Beast) ran around doing crazy shit. Text books often glide over such details, but it is common knowledge that there was a whole lot of sex, drugs and alcohol. Many compare this event to the hippie movement of the late 60's, the Summer of Love and to World War II. An answer like this will score an over-achieving high school student a 5 on an Advance Placement test, although, to their utter devestation, only a 99% on an in-class test. The loss of the 1% can be attributed to the use of "pissed", as most teachers would NOT approve of such language. Those who do will gladly reward students with extra credit.