Scantron Moron Test

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The Scantron Moron Test is a test designed by Scantron to determine the intelligence of the test takers. It is an industry standard, globally recognised in all countries. Except Russia.


The Scantron Moron Test was originally designed by me, a globally recognised genius. Me works for Scantron, making much money. Ever since it's inception, 99.9999% of the test takers have been deemed morons, with the other .0001% being me. If deemed a moron by the test, you are fed to Walt Disney.


An example of a completed Shwerller Hwartz test. Obviously the subject failed.

There have been a number of complaints about the Scantron Moron Test, mainly by dumbassess. Among them are that it is racist, condescending, and unpassable. However, these are not true, as Me has passed the test ever time. Those complaining of the racism of the test are told to shove it.

The Test[edit]

The following is copied word-for-word from the test itself:

One of the more commonly asked question on this world and others is "so-and-so called all [hippies/politicians/philanthropists/windows users/prostitutes/drug lords/bloggers/children/governments/whatevers] morons. I am a [hippie/politician/philanthropist/windows user/prostitute/drug lord/blogger/children/government/whatever]. Am I a moron?"

The answer:Probably.

However, per the instructions of the King of America, this test has been created. This is scientifically tested, and failure means that you are a moron.

1)Give yourself 30 points if you're skimming this to look for porn.

2)Give yourself 20 points if you didn't notice that the plural of "child" while in first person.

3)Give yourself 10 points if you are a windows user.

4)Give yourself 1 point for every time you've ever disagreed with Me.

5)Give yourself 100 points if you eat at McDonald's daily.

6)Give yourself 200 points for each wheel of your car that has a spinner on it.

7)Give yourself 656 points if you attempt to impose your religious beliefs on others who aren't religious.

8)Give yourself 100 points if you've ever said "lol" in real life.

9)Give yourself 1000 points for every post you've ever made that's shorter than your username.

10)Give yourself 99 points for every time you've bought something off the McDonald's dollar menu.

11)Give yourself a pat on the back it you have no points thus far.

12)Give yourself 40000000000000 points if you actually patted yourself on the bag.

13)Drink a quart of paint. Subtract twice your total from your current score if you actually drank that paint.

No, just kidding. Add the combined characters of this post with infinity, and add it to your score. If you did not drink paint, ignore this step

16)Calculate pi to the billionth digit by hand. Done yet?

17)Give yourself 1 point for every time you've linked to goatse. Why only 1 point? Because you've probably linked to it thousands of times, you sick bastard.

18)Give yourself 100 points for every gif image you've ever linked to.

19)Jump off a building.

20)For every language you don't speak, punch yourself in the face one time.

21)This is filler space.

22)Remove yourself from the premises of Earth once for every blog you've written.

23)Give yourself a slanderous 1000 points if you're a politician.

24)Add 10 points if you've kept tabs on points up until here.

25)Give yerself a hun'erd points if'n' you watch nascar.

26)Give yourself as many points if you feel like if you're a liberal.

27)If you're a republican, open up a random bible, and find the first number that isn't a page number. Add that to your score.

28)Give yourself 404 points for every broken link you've ever posted.

29)You have double vision.

29)You have double vision.

The Key[edit]

The following is a key included for the student to grade their tests:

Pencils down! Now, add up all your points. I'll provide you with an approximate chart of moronimity to judge yourself.

0-Dumber than your average moron. Also happens to be a cheating bastard who ignores question 24.

10:Genius. If you scored a 10, you are the savior of mankind. Or a liar.

11-99:Meh, you're all right. Me still don't like you, though.

100-199:Above average. You're an idiot, but you could be dumber. In everybody's opinions, you are a worthless class, not containing enough intelligence to actually think. You question, but in a stupid way that others have spoon-fed you. Be less of an idiot.

200-201:Average idiot. Could be the village idiot, but it's the norm. Chances are you are offended by this topic.

202-665:A real, home brewed moron.You probably followed all the instructions of this test dilligently to see whether or not they were a moron. A simple irc session would have told you that.

666:Quit telling me that salvation is just a a "click away". If your site is salvation, it requires 0-3.

667-1336:Chances are, you're a politician. Or any figure of authority. Do everyone a favor, and exit to stage right long enough to live their lives.

1337:7415 |)035 /\/07 /\/\34/\/ ^/0[_] 4|)\3 (00|, /\/\0|)\0/\/!

1338:infinity-1:You are a religious politician trying to make everything illegal that you don't think god would like, while watching nascar, posting goatse, drinking paint, writing short unintelligable posts, and eating off of McDonald's dollar menu. Choke, you fat son of a bitch.

Infinity-Infinity^2+Infinity:You have enmeshed yourself in a lifestyle of idiocy. Everybody would be better off if you, say, swallowed a mattress.

Googol^googolplex^infinity^grease : You don't know how to count. Your place in society is now set.