Robert Maillart

Robert Maillart (6 February 1872 - 14 April 2021), colloquially known as Bobert the Builder, was a Swiss civil engineer. He can fix absolutely anything, from your broken door to your failing liver. He is best known for causing several economic crises. In 1991, Bobert developed a new type of drywall, which used cardboard instead of gypsum. In other words, it's just cardboard sandwiched between two sheets of cardboard. To the naked eye, this difference is unnoticeable, but it saves both time and money (which in turn allows for some easy money laundering). This way, American houses can be even more durable.

Early life

From an early age, Bobert enjoyed washing banknotes, using various detergents and soaps. In an interview with Larry King, he also shared that he was obsessed with Bob the Builder as a kid, and even convinced (or rather forced under drill-point) his friends to join his criminal organisation, the "Bilderberg Gang". Most of the members were required to dress as tractors and other types of heavy machinery. Their typical antisocial activities included repairing broken toolsheds, and vandalizing people's homes by giving them a fresh new coat of paint. The members are as follows:

• Wendy: Bobert's sister, and wife. There is no need to elaborate.
• Spud: Bobert's inbred son. A mafioso mastermind, currently hiding from the Malaysian authorities. He spent his youth growing and eating onions. As a result, his IQ is inconceivably high, and so his behavior is beyond the understanding of commoners. He now has clinical depression from being bullied, and lives in a toolshed.
• Scoop: A notorious thief and kleptomaniac, Scoop was responsible for several bank heists, with the combined payouts totalling $13.39.
• Dizzy: A crippling alcoholic. Always under the influence of alcohol, or solvents commonly found around construction sites. There is no day off. 24/7. Non-stop.

TV show

The gang also starred in a TV series, titled "Bobert the Builder", however, after a copyright lawsuit issued by the already existing TV show "Bob the Builder", they were forced to quit.

Career

Bobert causing irreversible damage to the Venezuelan economy after laundering large sums of money.

By 2007, his patented drywall had become the industry standard, and mortgage after mortgage, people were buying the overpriced origami. With hurricane Ike in the following year, the houses were swept away like a newspaper on a windy day (this analogy is not far from the truth). Unable to pay back the mortgages, the economy went to a collapse. After much public pressure, Bobert decided to clean his image by engaging in philanthropic activities in South America, namely Venezuela (not that he cared for the people). However, he could not escape from his obsessive money laundering, which caused yet another fiasco, hyperinflation in the millions.

There were numerous reports from his family and friends claiming that the Bobert that returned from Venezuela was different (in the way he spoke, and even in his appearance). Some even said he was a different person altogether. This was all true - the Bobert that returned was simply a double, as the actual one hid in the Bahamas. The double was in fact a homeless man, paid by Bobert to act as a decoy, so he could fake his own death. No one wanted to kill him though. This plot was exposed in the year 2020, when the two Boberts were seen together, exchanging architectural blueprints.

Legacy

Bobert continues to inspire engineers and bankers worldwide. Although the houses he built are long gone by now, their memories are forever lasting in the wallets of countless people.

See also

• Bob the Builder
• Bob
• Babar