Purple nurples
A purple nurple is the result of grabbing and twisting the nurple of another person, one's self, or occasionally, other mammals. Titty twisters are in fact the same thing as purple nurples. The action is the same as the result, and there is very little difference between the two terms. For example, when used in a sentence, purple nurple and titty twister can be interchanged. "I doled out purple nurples my senior year of high school," is the same as: "I doled out titty twisters my senior year of high school," etc. The only time this is untrue is when you are describing the result of a titty twister in detail, as in "I have a purple nurple from the titty twister I received yesterday." You should know, however, that you sound like a geek when you talk that way.
Some people may consider titty twisters to be particularly aimed at women, but most men have nurples too, and thus purple nurples are possible for all! [1]
The Truth Serum
A Purple Nurple is a dangerous mix of alcohol created in Tijuana, Mexico in order to lure a younger crowd into its drinking establishments during spring break. The sweetness of this drink makes it a popular refreshment among women, and it remains the number one concoction for seducing 18-24-year-old girls and gay men of all ages.
How To Make a Purple Nurple
Combine in a cocktail shaker with ice:
- 1 oz coconut rum
- 1 oz triple sec
- 1/2 oz blue curacao liqueur
- 2 oz cranberry juice
Shake, strain into any old glass, and serve.
Until recently, it was unknown to the general public that a side effect of mass consumption of this beverage was intoxication to the point of delusional truthfulness. For this reason, the United States has long used Purple Nurples as an interrogation technique, but this tactic is currently under fire as being morally wrong. [2]
The Tradition
Some scholars argue that amongst young adults, the use of purple nurples and titty twisters as a greeting is more popular than handshakes. Although the history of titty twisters is unknown and may go back to the beginning of mankind, the development of the term purple nurple is rather new. Contrary to popular belief, Satan did not invent the purple nurple. Satan hates purple nurples because he has nine, easy-to-grab-in-a-crowd-and-not-suffer-mortal-damnation nurples on his back. Purple nurples were invented by Marcus Alexander Hart when he was fired from Entertainment Tonight for giving John Tesh a bruising titty twister. Tesh went on to write a hit New Age song about the incident, entitled "Painful Raisins." The lyrics are as follows:
| “ | I've got painful raisins It's some thunder on my chest He gave it to me The fateful pinch And the bruising begins It's lame I've got painful raisins I start to quiver My nurples are on fire Purple's the color I am no liar It's lame |
” |
In a public response to the song, Marcus and his team of Misinformants went on to fight for the mandatory titty twisting of all adolescents wishing to fully embrace student lifestyle, known as the Purple Nurple Initiation Act of 1988.