Pittsburgher
“GO STILLERS!!!!!!”
“Oh call Arnold Slick from Turtle Crick!”
A Pittsburgher is a common term to describe someone from western Pennsylvania with horrible English skills. Pittsburghers also have cast-iron stomachs, and can eat an entire hippopotamus in one sitting and still give you the finger afterwards. Pittsburghers are loud and boisterous, with a high-pitched, whiny accent.
Sports[edit]
Pittsburghers, when at sports events, are the loudest most obnoxious people there. If you attend any of the following, you will run into one of these so called Pittsburghers.
- A Steelers game. (commonly referred to as the "Stillers")
- A Penguins game.
- A Pirates game.
- A Pitt basketball game.
- A Pitt football game.
- A Penn State football game.
If you choose to attend a Pittsburgh sporting event, try to stay as quiet and kept to yourself as possible. If you are from Cleveland, please, do not let ANYBODY know that you are from Cleveland because your face will be literally ripped off by angry, drunk Pittsburghers.
Food[edit]
Pittsburghers love to gorge themselves with food until they throw up, then after expelling all of the food that they just shoved down their esophagus, they continue to eat more to fill the now empty stomach.
Types of Pittsburghers[edit]
Although all Pittsburghers are loud, alcoholics, and obnoxious, there are a different types of loud, alcoholic, obnoxious Pittsburghers. This section should help you avoid confrontation with these types and if you are confronted, what to do.
Homeless Pittsburghers[edit]
These homeless people are more aggressive than a puma. Not the shoe, the cat. They reside on corners and in alleyways. They are mainly found around the sports stadiums located around the city. They will be obvious in many ways, mainly by their smell, the nine jackets that they will be wearing, and the fact that they are in your face asking for spare change.
Scalpers[edit]
Scalpers are the people you see outside major sporting events selling probably forged or stolen tickets. The Pittsburgher scalpers are very aggressive and will not stop until you buy a ticket or skip the middleman and give them straight heroin. To avoid these people, don't go to sporting events around Pittsburgh. If confronted by these druggies, run as fast as you can.
Steelers Fans[edit]
Pittsburgh Steelers fans love their team above all else, unless they should start to lose games. They were once Penguins fans, and after the renaming, adeptly morphed into Pirates fans. Steelers fans have Iron City beer on their breath and wear Steelers attire, even in the middle of July. The visitor encountering a group of angry Steelers fans should yell "CLEVELAND SUCKS!" The fans will hand you an "Ihrn City" and invite you to sit with them. And woe be unto the football player who leaves the Steelers, he will be seen as a traitor for the rest of his days regardless of how many seasons he played or how good he played while he was with the Steelers.
Culture[edit]
Pittsburghers are usually at least a decade behind the rest of America in terms of culture. In fact you can usually tell what year a Pittsburgher graduated from high school simply by asking them what bands they listen to. Pittsburghers are also usually ignorant of anything that isn't Donnie Iris, food, or the Steelers.